Page 48 of Never Give Up

Ignoring the pointed look on his face as well as the warning in his words, I sigh. “Well, I need to get back into dispatch.” I need to get away from him. “Thanks for taking a minute for me.”

I don’t need to tell him that there will be no putting it behind me as long as the man responsible is out there.

“Always,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “But—”

“I get the message.” I cut him off before he can finish the sentence. “I gotta go. Thanks again.”

He crosses to me and touches my arm. “I spoke to Brian—”

“And I’m happy for you. But don’t you have to go to work?”

I’m getting ready to go on my lunch break, which normally wouldn’t even be a thing, but since the attack and surgery, I have to take a break about halfway through my shift so that I can get up and walk around and make sure that my stomach can stretch out. I really, really don’t want to have to spend the rest of it fighting off conversations about Brian.

But I should have known that I wouldn’t get away with avoiding a conversation about him. I just hope that I won’t have to actually talktoBrian.

Which is exactly what I walk right into when I get done walking around the secure building.

Brian sits at the same table I sat at when he rejected me, and the look on his face says he knows exactly what the significance is of where he’s sitting. Dark circles mark the skin under his eyes and it looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Maya, can I talk to you?” His voice sounds like he has swallowed dirt.

If I talk to him, I’m going to listen to him, and I’ll give in to whatever he wants because I’m a sucker for this man. I can’t. I can’t get hurt again.

“I need to get to work.”

“Please. Just for a minute. And then I won’t bother you again if you want me to leave you alone.” He pleads with his eyes, and like the sucker I know I am, I give in.

Tearing myself from his gaze, I manage, “Fine. Say what you need to.” I try to keep my voice as even as possible, but my traitorous heart is pounding in my chest just being this close to him.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I said. For how I acted toward you. But I want the chance to try and make it right.”

“Why? You said it perfectly. I think your exact words were, ‘there’s nothing left’ if I’m not mistaken. Or are you talking about the words when you said ‘there can’t be anything between us’? Oh.” I snap my fingers and practically snarl with sarcasm. “I know. You’re referring to when you told me that there’s nothing left between us.”

He winces, and I see the shadows in his eyes darken.

“Yeah.” I nod bitterly. “That must be it. But here’s the thing, Brian. You were right. There can’t be anything between us.” Those traitorous tears that always threaten to make an appearance when I think about losing the friendship and love I have for him are right there, waiting to fall down my cheeks, but I refuse to let them. “I should have listened to you and not said anything. I should have just walked away at that.”

“I lied,” he blurts. “I deserve every bit of your anger, and even your resentment. But I lied to you. I was an ass. I was trying to keep you away because I thought I was doing the right thing. I know I was wrong. I know that. And you and me… I want you in my life; I always have.”

“Tell the broken girl that you’ll be her friend? Is that what you’re doing? I told you. I don’t want to be your friend.”

He thumps the table, making me jump. “Stop it. If this is you trying to tell me I fucked up and you refuse to forgive me, then fine. I’ll walk away. But if you still want more with me, and you’re just being an asshole, you’re not just punishing me. You’re punishing yourself, too. If you can sit here and tell me that you truly don’t want me in your life, look me in the eye and do it.”

My heart jerks in my chest, but I raise my head, intending to do just that, when I meet his gaze once more.

Everything in me stops.

I had to have misheard him.

There’s no way in hell I heard him correctly.

“You want more now?”

“I don’t know if I’m good enough for you, Maya.” His gaze slides away a moment, but returns. “It’s a whole lot of complicated, and I’m so much older than you are. But I always wanted you in my life and almost losing you, it destroyed a piece of my soul that I’ll never get back.”

Doubt, ugly and decisive, sticks its head into our conversation, dragging suspicion with it. “You’re just saying this because you pity me—”

“No.” He stands and grasps my face, his fingers scorching my cheeks where he’s holding me close to him. “Pity’s the last thing I could ever feel for you. Respect? Admiration? Attraction? Annoyed? Yeah, those are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I feel for you.”

---