Page 44 of Never Give Up

I know it, and so does he.

“I’m not fine, Brian. But I will be. I’m working, every single minute of every single day to be okay. To get to the point in time where I’ll be fine. Where I can breathe without freaking out and thinking it’s the last breath that I’ll ever take.”

Brian doesn’t say a word.

“No. I’m not fine. And I don’t need to rest. And you can’t take back what you said to me. You can’t walk back and pretend that we can be friends again. Our friendship ended when you walked away.” And I turn away from him. “There’s nothing left. I’m here because we’re family. The entire department was there for me, including you. That’s why I’m here. Not because you’re my friend.”

“Maya.” He touches my shoulder and instead of turning me, he walks around to look into my eyes, his hands bracing me gently. “Just let me talk. Listen, for once. Open that stubborn brain of yours and just listen to what I’m trying to say. Please.”

When I don’t interrupt him, he touches my cheek gently. I inadvertently lean into it before I catch myself and pull away slightly so that we’re barely connected.

His touch still warms my skin and I want…more.

“I’m here, Maya. I’m here. I’m sorry I wasn’t there before. I should have been. I should have done more, and no matter what, I’m never going to get over the pain I caused you.”

“You’re making this about you? Of all the idiotic…”

“Maya—”

“I have to go to work.”

I step back, pulling away from his touch. What can Brian really do? Hug me? Let me breathe in that masculine and earthy scent of his? Let me fall even more in love with him when I can’t have him?

No.

I can’t.

Instead, I move as quickly as I can to the door.

I’m a coward, though, and I pause with my fingers wrapped around the handle. I stop, silent, hoping he’ll give me a reason to stay… To wait for him.

“Don’t run away, Maya,” he says. “I’m here if you need me.”

“I’m not running. I’m leaving.” I clear my throat. “There’s a difference.”

He lets me go.

Outside, I make my way back to Poppy and Paul.

“You ready to head out, doll?” I ask the redhead.

“Of course, did you save me some of that food?” Poppy had insisted on getting her own enchilada and tamale pan.

“I have to work with you for twelve hours, like I’m going to forget your food. I hid it in a blanket under the front seat.” I wave to everyone and we leave the yard together.

It’s not until later in the office, during the lull before shift change, and Poppy pokes her head over the top of the console.

“Okay, out with it. What did he say to you?”

My heart starts to beat fast.

“Really? C’mon. Out with it.”

“He didn’t really get a chance to say much, just that he’s here for me.” I close my mouth before I say something that might betray my feelings.

The truth is that I had to walk away. I had to snap at him. Because if I didn’t… If I didn’t put that wall between us, I’d break. I’d lose myself and ask him for a chance.

But I won’t beg.

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