Page 7 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

I immediately feel my nose tingle and my eyes fill as I stare at the prez of the Sons of Satan, the man who willingly stepped in front of a bullet with Ace’s name on. I can’t seem to stop the tears as they start to fall.

“Thank you for what you did…. for trying…” I can’t even get the words out as the familiar lump appears in my throat.

It’s all too much. Being here is just a stark reminder that Ace is never coming back.

He steps forward and pulls me into his arms, and the warm scent of his cologne immediately envelops me. He feels familiar somehow.

Eventually, he places his hands on my upper arms and pulls me back, his eyes grazing over every inch of my face. “Is there somewhere we can talk in private?”

I nod with a watery sigh. “I was just about to head to the river.”

“Mind if I join you?”

I nod again. We’ve been putting off this chat for long enough.

It’s time.

We both turn our heads as Duke steps out of the clubhouse. He’s wearing a frown as he looks between us, and I nod at him in reassurance.

Then I take Lucifer to the spot where Ace first showed me how to skim stones.

Jaine’s House, Rising, California

I lean my head back against the old familiar cream sofa, my distracted brain still reeling from today’s events and findings.

“You can’t just disappear without a word, Jaine!”

I knew Eoin wouldn’t be pleased that I set off for Rising without telling him, but I never expected him to be this furious.

“I told Roisin where I was going, and it’s only an overnight stay.”

It’s a lame excuse; we both know it. I only told Roisin as I needed her to look after Fin and JJ, because Duke was coming with me. Even then, she was sworn to secrecy. I wanted to let Eoin know at a time when it would be pointless him trying to follow.

“You should have told me, not her!” he hisses, his voice noticeably more Irish, which means his dark side has come out to play.

“If I told you where I was going, you would have insisted on coming with me.” In contrast, I keep my own voice calm. There’s no point in antagonizing him further.

“And would it have been a problem if I had? You’re my fiancée. Perhaps I might have welcomed the opportunity to meet the people you grew up with and to see your hometown for myself.”

Guilt flows through me.

Under normal circumstances, I would have told him, but since we started pretty much living together a few months back, he never lets me out of his sight, and when he does, it’s on the strict basis that I have his right-hand man, Declan, in tow. I appreciate that it’s partly because we have invisible targets on our backs and that he almost died when he willingly intercepted a bullet with Finian’s name on, but it’s too much.

I’m quickly realizing that loving Eoin O’Connell and living with him don’t necessarily go hand in hand.

He’s set in his ways. I am too. And his controlling behavior on top is starting to make me feel hemmed in. It’s like he wants me to lose my own identity and become part of his. He wants to own me, mind, body, and soul.

And I refuse to be owned.

The reason I didn’t tell him where I was going was that I needed to spend some quality time with Ace. I also needed to speak privately with Lucifer.

Had Eoin insisted on coming with me, it’s unlikely he would have allowed me to do either on my own.

Until today, I had no idea what the conversation with Lucifer would contain. In the end, I’m only glad it was just him and me, as I’m still struggling to take it all in.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be back tomorrow. I need to visit the clubhouse in the morn….” I realize I’m talking to myself, and he’s already disconnected the call.

Eoin never hangs up. It’s always vice versa. My guilt magnifies tenfold. I was hiding one thing from him, and today I’ve just added another.

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