Page 38 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

And now here he is.

I’m not sure where I find the strength to remain upright as I take in the boy with the inky black hair and eyes the exact shade of sparkling blue as his son’s. My love for him is threatening to overwhelm me right now.

He stares at me. I stare at him.

I’ve waited so long to see him, and yet I’m so fucking unprepared. We all are.

I was grateful Eoin was away today so I could have time to reflect on my life. On what might have been. One thing I do know is that me being in possession of that knowledge back then would have changed everything.

My Irish.

Me and him. Him and me.

Marriage. Children. The Disney princess could have had her happily ever after with her prince after all.

Then again, maybe not.

Fate played the cards he did for a reason, I’m sure. And time decides who you meet in your life and in which order.

I love Ace. I love Eoin.

But all paths were always going to lead to this moment of truth. Because the truth will always out, even if it takes twelve years.

“Our souls have always been intertwined. You feel that too, darlin’?”

I feel our connection like a second heartbeat. A bond so strong that it’s stood the test of time, no matter the distance. Fragile and stretched to almost breaking point at times, but it’s still there, or at least, for me, it is.

He’s married to Sophia. He can’t feel it any longer.

You and Eoin have my blessing to move on with your lives together, darlin’. I wish you all the best.

Twenty generic words.

He allowed me to move on with his brother. Surely that’s proof that he doesn’t need or want me anymore. If that wasn’t the final nail in the coffin that contained him and me, then I’m not sure what was.

I love him. Always have. Always will. But he doesn’t love me.

We’ve moved on. This is simply a crossroads, but neither of us can deviate from the path we’re already on. Our ship has sailed.

Fin.

What to say? How to say it? When to say it? Because it must be said.

He’s showed up unannounced, that much is clear going by the shock still registered on the faces of Roisin and Fergal.

No one’s taken the time to plan, even though we’ve had twelve months to prepare for this day.

The ducks are not in a row, and right now, everyone is afraid to open their mouths. No one is singing from the same hymn sheet because no one knows the words. No one knows which song it is we should all have been rehearsing.

“What’s going on?” A voice that’s deep and sensual with just the perfect hint of Irish lilt. A voice I never thought I’d hear again any time soon.

“There was a drive-by shooting. We believe Fin was the target. It was suggested I stay in the safe space underneath the property with the kids until the person responsible is found.” I’m surprised by how composed my voice sounds when I feel so fucking overwhelmed.

He searches my face. Is he looking for signs that I’m lying to him? I’m not. At least, not about that.

“I guess there’s a lot I’m not aware of.” He sounds almost defeated.

“You’ve been gone for twelve months, son,” Fergal speaks quietly. “A lot’s changed since then.”

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