Page 211 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

“Padraig loves you more than anything in the world. Never doubt that.”

I tell her what she needs to hear. I may be digging my own grave further by doing so, but I won’t stand in their way a second time.

She stands, then leans over and kisses me softly on the lips. It’s a chaste kiss, nothing more.

Does it signify the end?

If it does, then it’s no more than I deserve for falling in love with the girl who was destined to be my brother’s future, not mine.

I rest my head back against the seating once more, watching her leave and taking my heart with her.

CHAPTERSEVENTY

PADRAIG

Padraig’s Apartment, Hudson Yards, New York

I’m lyingon the sectional and staring up at the ceiling, having just been on the phone with our Dylan.

He’s not sure how things went, but apparently, Jaine and Eoin went out for dinner last night.

A proper date.

I suspect they’re trying for real this time. No more under duress or false pretenses. Not when they’re planning on starting a family. Why wouldn’t they try again? They may drive each other up the wall, but they have so much in common.

I’m not sure how I feel. Have they been in contact the entire time? Aside from when we were ending Luciano’s life, I’ve not heard a word from Jaine since we returned from Rising.

I put it down to her needing time. Apparently not. Or maybe she just needed time away from me.

I stare at my blank phone screen. Removing the handset from the case, I study the image of me and Jaine. Back when the future was still ours for the taking. Back before it all went wrong. Back when the innocence of youth had me believing that love really could conquer all.

It can’t.

Dylan suggested that I also take her on a date. Should I? Will she even respond? I type a message, trying to appear cocky and confident, even though I’ve never felt more unsure of myself in my entire life.

Padraig:I’ll get Liam to pick you up at two p.m.

I wait for her to reply. I can tell she’s typing. Is she deleting and re-writing the words, or is she too busy messaging my brother and moving on with her life? Is she going to turn me down?

Jaine:I’ll ask Duke to look after the kids.Should I wear anything in particular?

I can’t contain the smile as I message back.

Padraig:Dress like you would have done back when we were nineteen.

Yale University, Connecticut

I sit on the bench we shared on our third date twelve years ago.

Back when we had so much to look forward to. Back before what we shared was slowly eroded by lies, deceit, assumptions, and betrayal, most of it at the hands of my family or supposed friends.

Jaine still has a future to look forward to with my big brother. Taking the vows, having kids, and growing old together. All the things I wanted. The only things I wanted. And all of them with her.

I’m not sure how I’ll cope.

I guess with all my wishful thinking, foolish hopes, and pipe dreams. I expected our fantasy ending to be different. Welcome to your reality, Paddy.

Moving forward, Eoin will become her sounding board, her confidant, and her life raft. I’ll just be left to drift farther and farther away on a bottomless sea of memories and what-ifs.

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