Page 200 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

Silence.It’s what I expected.

“How long have you known?” I turn to look at Eoin. His face doesn’t give anything away. Is he as shocked as I was?

“I discovered that my pop wasn’t my biological daddy just after Cillian and Sarah’s visit to the west coast. I was heavily pregnant at the time. The knowledge wasn’t something I felt equipped to handle. Not on top of the ongoing Finian situation.” I glance at Irish before turning back to Eoin. “I didn’t want to know who my real daddy was. My pop raised me, so to me, it didn’t matter if he was blood or not. Ace knew who he was, as did Duke.”

“And when did you find out it was Lucifer?” Eoin again.

“On the anniversary of Ace’s death. When I came back to Rising several months ago.”

He stares at me, guilt crossing his face. He’s realized now why I went AWOL. Because what I had to do was personal. My time with Ace. My discussion with Lucifer.

“I know it won’t have felt like a year, but it was. I came for an overnight stay and arranged to meet Lucifer at the same time. I knew I had to speak to him. My thanking him for taking a bullet for Ace was long overdue. It turns out Ace assisted with the Nevada situation because he was helping family.”

I can feel the tears running down my cheeks, but I ignore them. I will always cry for Ace. If I can’t do that in front of these three men, then none of them deserve to be in my life.

“So, Jessie.”

“Jessie is my full sister, and Tadgh is my full brother. Bailey and Conor are my half-siblings.”

“What… how?”

I turn to Irish. “I haven’t asked any questions of Lucifer yet. When I saw him last, there just wasn’t time. I was under pressure to return to New York due to the blatant security risks. I knew things would turn messy if I stayed away too long.” I pause. “It also didn’t seem right somehow. To discuss it in minute detail when Jessie and the others didn’t know. Then, with everything going on, it’s just never been the right time. Since Lucifer’s here today, I’ve chosen to tell you because I want to tell Jessie. As well as being my sister, she’s also my business partner. She has a right to know. I know if I tell her, she’ll immediately want to tell Dylan, which is understandable.”

“So, Dylan was your brother-in-law twice over.” Irish chuckles.

I laugh. “I guess so.”

Eoin visibly tenses at thewaspart. He doesn’t like to be reminded of the fact that we had to have our own marriage annulled.

“Anyway, I need to go pack up Ace’s room, so if you have any questions you want answers to, then please go ahead and ask Lucifer. All I ask is that you don’t tell me. Not until the situation with Luciano is resolved. Anything else on my plate right now would just be too much.”

“And Dylan and Jessie?”

“I’ll speak to Jessie now. It doesn’t seem right you knowing when they don’t.” I turn to Lucifer. “I’m happy for you to tell Tadgh, Conor, and Bailey. They deserve to know. Once this issue is resolved, maybe we can meet up. Jessie and Bailey are already a big part of my children’s lives. I’d like the rest of you to be part of them too.”

Lucifer reaches out and squeezes my hand as tears fill his eyes. I squeeze his back, then leave the room, stopping outside to listen momentarily.

“So, you’re my little boy’s granda.”

Lucifer chuckles. “It would seem that way.”

* * *

I glance around the room.

At the familiar, blue-painted walls and the double bed with the US flag still hanging above. Nothing’s changed in here. It’s like time stood still. I wish it had because Ace would still be alive.

I inhale. Tears prick my eyes. I can still smell it. I’m sure I can. His aromatic cologne. It’s faint. Then again, maybe it’s just a memory.

So many memories. Not enough memories.

I lie on his bed, on the side, Ace would have laid on, and I stare around the room he lived in for almost thirty years.

The shelves are still filled with bike parts, but long gone are the porn magazines, condoms, and all the other essential things that almost nineteen-year-old Jason Steele needed because, like the rest of us, he got older. His needs changed as he grew up into the most beautiful of men, inside and out.

Until all he needed was me and the kids.

I miss him. I will always miss him. Who would he tell me to choose between Eoin and Irish, I wonder?

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