Page 119 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

“I was still jealous. I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”

“What about the future?”

“What about it?”

“Do you still wish to share one with me?”

I walk across, taking the seat beside him. He doesn’t wrap his arm around me like he usually does because he knows he doesn’t have my permission to do that right now.

“I wouldn’t have a future if it wasn’t for you, Eoin. If you hadn’t worked out where we were… That aside, it still doesn’t mean we should spend it together.”

“If you choose to spend it with me for that reason only, then I’d much rather you not.” He runs his hand through his hair as he stares across the room, and my eyes are instantly drawn to his face. It’s more lined these days. His cheekbones are more pronounced, but then they never filled back out after he spent the best part of a week in a coma after saving Fin.

The stress of this life is really starting to show, and he’s not even forty yet. The stress of our on-and-off relationship won’t be helping either, the dark circles around his eyes a clear indication that he’s not been sleeping.

I saved him twice. He’s saved me twice. We’re even.

“We have compatibility issues.”

He remains silent because he can’t deny it.

“I don’t mind your possessive nature per se, but your over-protectiveness is another matter. I realize I need protection, but not to the extent where I can’t function as my own person. I need more freedom.”

I’m asking a lot of him. I know I am. Even more so after what’s just happened. I’m asking him to change as a person to accommodate me as a person.

“I’ll do my best to give you that. It’s difficult for me. I can’t let anything happen to you.”

“And why is that?” I already know why.

“Because I love you.” Aquamarine eyes finally meet mine.

I link my fingers through his calloused ones. “I love you too and I don’t want anything to happen to you either. Does that mean I get to dictate when you go out and who you get to see? Will it work for you if I insist you can’t go anywhere on your own?”

Silence. Maybe now he understands the point I’m trying to make, but then I’m not so sure it’s the understanding that’s the issue. It’s just that he can’t help himself. It’s second nature.

He’s been raised to protect the woman in his life and to lay down his own life for her. I can’t fault him for that, but we’re opposites in that regard. I protect me.

My life. My death. My actions. My consequences.

And therein lies our problem.

Moving to straddle his lap, I face him. His hands shift to my hips as I watch his eyes turn green. He’s staring at me like he wants to eat me alive.

“I think we need to take things one day at a time.”

He nods slowly, staring at me like he’s trying to imprint me to memory somehow. Why is that?

His hand fists my hair, pulling my head down so my lips hover over his. I stare at his mouth, then drown in his gaze. I lick my lips, and his eyes drop.

He says nothing as his thumb drags roughly across my bottom lip. I suck it into my mouth and then bite down. Hard.

The conversation is now at an end because, right now, Eoin O’Connell would agree to anything I want. He’s currently visualizing my mouth wrapped around a different part of his anatomy. A rock-hard part that’s throbbing directly underneath me.

His hand releases my hair, his strong fingers moving to wrap around my throat before gripping it so tightly I’m struggling to breathe.

I’ve fucking missed him.

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