Page 87 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

We watchJaine as she enters the meeting room.

She loves me.

Is it strange that it’s all I can think about when I look at her? Jaine Jones fucking loves me. Padraig O’Connell.

Dreams actually do come true. Well, in part, at least. I’m no longer unloved. I’m just alone and unneeded these days.

She’s dressed in a navy pantsuit, her blond hair hanging straight down her back. She looks good.

Confident. Assertive. Professional.

It’s been a week since she and Eoin had their final showdown at the containers. No one knows precisely what went down. No one knows exactly what was said. My brother is an extremely private individual.

No one will ever know unless Jaine decides to tell them.

By all accounts, she’s been there several times before now. She’s witnessed my brother kill. Once is rare. Twice is unheard of.

The second time, it was a blood sacrifice in her honor. Malky McGrath.

He tried to end my ma’s life, but that wasn’t what resulted in his demise. It was the fact that he dared lay a hand on Jaine. Eoin ended him. Jaine ended Molly.

Seems pretty fair to me.

Molly’s untimely demise happened at the venue I got married in. Jaine attended my wedding. She watched me take the vows with another woman. How did that make her feel? Is it wrong that I want to know?

Is it wrong that I want her to have hated every single moment of that day as much as I did?

I wonder when she’s planning on telling everyone about her sniping sideline. Is that a reveal for today or for another time? She’ll have it meticulously planned, I’m sure.

Who, when, where, and in which order.

Or will she launch a truth bomb into the family room with us all in it and wait for the explosion? Will the rest of them have a go at the ones who already knew? Will Da have a go at Ma? Will Eoin have a go at me and Dyl?

Looking at her, I think she’s past caring.

We’re family. We will always be family now, thanks to Fin and JJ. And that card trumps everything else, hence why Jaine is with us here today.

She won’t attend every meeting. I’m guessing Jessie tells her what’s on the agenda in advance so Jaine can make an informed decision.

Now that she’s no longer with Eoin, could there ever be a chance for her and me? I push the unrealistic thought to the back of my mind.

Don’t be daft, Padraig. Quit with all your wishful thinking, foolish hopes, and pipe dreams. Why would she be interested in you when you cheated on her? It’s the reason she kept her distance all those years, and you know it.

Who can blame her?

If she loved me back then she never acted on it. Why would she do so now?

I’ve also got nothing to offer her. I’m currently trapped in a loveless marriage, having to play make-believe to the outside world until I impregnate my fake wife—an act that could take months or, knowing my luck, years.

“It’s good to see you, Jaine.”

“Fergal.”

She doesn’t give him the time of day. My da’s actually fond of her, even if the fondness isn’t reciprocated. It’s my guess it’s because of the scar she wears on her cheek courtesy of his blade.

“You’re looking well today, Jaine.” Aidan pipes up from my left-hand side. My cousin reminds me of what I used to be like back in the day before I stopped living and started existing. When everything was with a smile and a witty remark.

“As are you, Aidan.”

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