Page 49 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

She laugh-snorts. “I’d liked you for ages, but I was plain Jaine. I never thought you’d be interested in someone like me.”

I roll onto my side, watching as her cheeks stain pink at all these admissions.

Pushing myself to my feet, I stretch. I have to stop my lips from curving upward when her gaze drops to my groin. As much as it shouldn’t, my dick twitches in response. Our eyes connect, and her cheeks redden further at having been caught ogling, just like she admitted to doing way back then.

I walk across and look down at her. I hold out my hand, and she places hers in mine, then I yank her to her feet. I want to gaze more closely at all of her fucking perfection. A perfection that isn’t mine and never will be.

We stand there, handholding, like we did that very first time.

“You were never plain. And I more than liked you, darlin’.”

I loved you. Always have. Always will.

I gently tuck her blonde hair behind her ear. We step apart when we hear the front door opening then closing. Both of us turning to stare at Eoin as he enters the room.

Impressive. Intimidating. Commanding.

There are a lot of powerful words you could use to describe my eldest brother. He’s a scary motherfucker, or at least he is to those who don’t know him.

I’m not sure why my parents insisted on marrying me off. He’s probably fucked more women than I have, but then he cut back on his sexual shenanigans and reduced it down to a handful of females, whereas I was stuck in an endless loop, going around in the same vicious circle and showing no signs of ever stopping.

It’s my own fault. I’ve no one to blame but myself.

Eoin had his pick of any woman in New York, though. Further afield if he wanted to venture there.

Why Jaine?

Did he deliberately try to steal the love of my life instead of searching for one of his own? Was I just too blind to see the signs because I trusted him with her? Trusted that my own flesh and blood would never betray me or cross that line?

I think back on their love-hate relationship. They fucked. Three years ago. Was it a one-time thing? I’m guessing it must have been, as Jaine hated him for some reason.

Did she love him, and it was another case of unreciprocated feelings? Was that why? And when did it all change? When they married for the first time? Then again, they share a child together. I guess that changes everything.

She walks over to him, and he snakes a possessive arm around her waist, looking down at her like she’s the jewel in the crown. I can see the love in both their eyes, and it causes all sorts of emotions to flow through me.

Anger. Regret. Betrayal. Jealousy.

I need to accept it, but it’s easier said than done. Jaine Jones is the love of my life, but I’m not the love of hers.

It’s the hardest thing in the world, witnessing the person you love love someone else. A brutal reminder that they don’t love you.

We share a past. They share a future. They’ll no doubt marry soon and have even more children together.

How will I cope seeing Jaine’s belly rounded with my brother’s offspring when it should have been with mine?

This right now is the rest of my life. Me having to witness them being together. There’s no escape. And this all stemmed from the fact that I dropped the ball and cheated.

I watch as he kisses her on the forehead. I’m sure their greeting is usually way more heated, but I suspect it’s been cooled down for my benefit.

They won’t want to rub it in.

The fact that they’re happy. The fact that I’m miserable, as much as I have to pretend not to be. What happens when the pretense is no longer needed? When Sophia and I announce that we’re estranged, or when she finally grants me the miracle, and we have the marriage annulled. What happens then?

Nothing, I guess.

Because my cheating was just the catalyst. The crux of the matter is that Jaine doesn’t love me.

She said as much three years ago.

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