Page 40 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

Time passes. My tears dry.

Do I tell Irish about my conversation with Brittany? What’s the point when what happened in the past won’t impact the future?

When do I tell him about our son? Fin’s parentage can’t be kept a secret forever. In fact, his being targeted is likely because someone already knows.

What a fucking mess.

I pull out my phone before removing it from the case and staring at the photo of me and Irish.

Back then, everything was so easy until it wasn’t. A past of lies and deceit resulting in a present of tears and regrets.

I stare at the screen.

Half a dozen missed calls from Eoin and three messages from Dylan.

Dylan:Jaine.

Dylan:Jaine!

Dylan:Jaine, Eoin is going nuts.

Staring up at the night sky once more, I curse quietly. I’m sick of hearing how everything I do adversely affects Eoin. What about the effects all his restrictions are having on me? Why is it okay for him to live his life as normal but not for me to do the same?

Misogynistic bastard.

Jaine:I needed space.

Dylan:Jaine, you can’t go off without letting anyone know.

Jaine:I let Duke and Roisin know.

Dylan:After you’d ridden off into the night on your hog.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I’m reaching breaking point. I try to compose myself before dialing his number, and he answers immediately.

“Listen, Dyl. After the day I’ve had, I refuse to ask permission to take a ride on my hog so I can clear my own goddamn head. You and I both know that even if I asked nicely, Eoin wouldn’t have allowed me to venture out into the big bad world on my own. Right now, I’ve had it with being smothered and told what I can and can’t do!”

“But you know the reasons, Jaine.”

“I’m a grown woman. I’ve stared death in the face more times than I can count and lived to tell the tale. I can look after myself. I don’t need your big brother’s protection twenty-four-seven. As far as I’m concerned, if my number’s up, it’s up.”

“You need to tell him, Jaine.”

I snort at the same repetitive bullshit. “If you can swear that my telling him will see him tone his possessiveness down, then I’ll call him right now and spill my guts.”

His silence speaks volumes. He knows as well as I do that rather than grant me access to the freedom I need to live my own life, my reveal could have quite the opposite effect.

“Can I at least tell him you’ve made contact and where you are?”

“You can tell him I’ve made contact but not where I am.”

“Can you at least tellmewhere you are? I promise I won’t breathe a word.”

“A boating lake.”

“Does it have a name?”

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