Page 28 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

“Fuckin eejit,” I mutter.

I know it’s the after-effects of too much whiskey. It’s not the first time, but I need to make sure it’s the last.

While I’ve been with Jaine, I’ve been teetotal. She doesn’t drink, so I’ve never felt the need to, either. I can take it or leave it. My problem has always been that I don’t know when to stop once I get started.

Fletch did try to warn me, but I’d already downed several in the time it had taken him to get a blow job, and by then, I thought I knew best. I didn’t.

I try to swallow, but there’s no saliva in my mouth. How is it even possible to be dying of thirst and desperate for a piss at the same time?

I try to open my eyes, but it’s way too bright. Squeezing them shut, I pull the cover over my head before attempting again. When I do, I take in pink sheets that smell of expensive perfume.

Fuck.

I swallow thickly before glancing down. As I thought, I’m stark-bollock naked. In a blind panic, I throw back the covers before sitting bolt upright and looking to my right. I’m not alone. I hoped it was Jaine. It’s not.

Lying beside me in her girly bedroom is a very naked Brittany Mason. If that wasn’t bad enough, on the mirrored bedside cabinet beside her is an open box of condoms and one very condemning empty foil wrapper.

What the fuck have I done?

But I know exactly what I’ve done. In a drunken stupor, I’ve obviously spilled my guts to Brittany, then, feeling sorry for myself, I used her willing pussy to salve my wounded male pride.

How could I have done that to Jaine? Even drunk, how could I have done such a fucking thing to her? She didn’t deserve that. I’ve gone and fucked everything up.

I run my hand over my face in frustration. Why the fuck did I have to take a drink? Why the fuck couldn’t I just stop at one?

Because now we’re over before we’ve even began. Because I know what I’ve done, and I also know that once Jaine finds out, she will never forgive me. And it serves me right.

I’ll never forgive me, either.

* * *

Jaine:It’s over.

I don’t needto ask why. We both know the answer.

I’m not going to ask for a second chance. We both know she won’t give me one. I know I don’t deserve one.

I’m lying in my room on a bed that’s never made and staring at the ceiling. Aside from taking necessary breaks, I’ve been lying here for a day now.

Waiting.

For something, I knew was coming. It was only ever a matter of time. What was the delay her end, I wonder? Was she lying there staring at the ceiling, too? Was she also thinking of all the stuff we had planned to do together? Stuff that we now never will because I was a fucking fool.

I should have respected her need to wait. She had her reasons. She’s been hurt in the past. And here I am, hurting her all over again.

I shouldn’t have made everything all about me. But I did. Because I’ve always been used to getting my own way. Because I’ve always taken and never given in return.

I wanted to give her everything because she was my everything. Now I have nothing. Because I no longer have her.

I let out a shaky breath as I brush the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.

Padraig:Can we still be friends, darlin’?

Time passes.

She’s going to say no. I know she is. She’s going to tell me to fuck off and never darken her door again. It’s no more than I deserve.

There’s only one sliver of hope. I know Jaine’s not the vengeful sort.

---