Page 137 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

I stareout my office window.

The sky is grey and bleak, which perfectly reflects my mood. I have the best office, the best view, the best of everything that money can buy, but what does any of it matter when I’m going to lose her?

Then how can you lose someone who was never truly yours in the first place? A woman who was only yours because the love of her life was taken from her.

By my family. By me.

Paddy had it all, or so we thought. The looks, the charm, the wealth, the beautiful women. But he would have traded all of it for her.

I get it.

Because I would now do the same. I would forgo everything for Jaine Jones because I love her. She’s like a drug in my veins that I can’t get enough of.

My own perfect addiction.

My first thought when I wake and the last before I sleep. I would do anything for her, and I know she would do anything for me.

I can’t shake the sight of my brother from my mind as he wept once more over what he had lost.

Her.

He will always be her first choice. I will always be second. Her love for him was given freely. Her love for me was only given because I wore her down.

She admitted as much.

I was never destined to love you, Eoin. You made me love you.

I saw what they meant to each other when they were facing certain death. Loving each other, comforting each other, protecting each other from what they would face in the next life.

For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

If Fate meant for them to be together, then let it happen for them. I may have been fated to be hers. I realize now she was never fated to be mine.

A knock on the door disturbs my thoughts.

“Come in.”

I already know who it is. I could feel him watching our interactions yesterday morning at the house. Between me and Jaine. Between Jaine and Paddy. Between Paddy and me.

I turn to watch him as he takes a seat on one of the tan-colored executive chairs that face me. He remains silent.

Walking across, I take my own chair then look at him across the desk. Dylan has the easiest life of the lot of us. The only sign that he’s aging is the one or two grey hairs that now scatter the sides of his black hair.

I’ve grown used to his presence and to using him as my sounding board. It’s not something I've ever had before—another male to discuss things with, or at least not in any great depth.

I realize now that I was only borrowing him too. That he also belongs to Paddy and not me. They were always thick as thieves until Paddy left.

You’ve fallen for the same woman as your brother. So, tell me, how will you explain all of this to him? That you’ve effectively stolen his life?”

Molly was right. That’s exactly what I did do. Unintentionally, perhaps, but I did all the same.

“How are you feeling?” I know he’s referring to when Jaine blatantly chose Paddy’s arms over mine in front of the entire family.

“Accepting.”

He frowns at me. “What does that mean exactly?”

“Accepting of the fact that Jaine will always choose Paddy.”

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