Page 136 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

I’m responsible for that.

What sort of a mother am I that I put my needs before his? That I put my needs before any of my sons’? I convinced myself they aligned with my own, even when I knew they didn’t.

I was quick to condemn the girl, but I could take a leaf out of Jaine Jones’ book when it comes to raising a family. Her boys will make their own decisions. If they choose wrong, she’ll be there to dust them down and pick up the pieces.

Why couldn’t I have been happy doing the same?

I was so filled with anger and hate over my own past that I almost destroyed my boys’ future happiness, all because the women they chose were bikers.

Padraig loves Jaine. Jaine loves him. They share a son. They would never have split up had she not thought he cheated. It turns out he didn’t. The truth will always out, and it did.

Twelve years later. Twelve years too late.

Fate robbed them of their happiness, but then so did his own family.

So did I.

Anyone who sees them together knows they were destined, just like me and my Fergal were. When I see them with young Finian and JJ, it brings tears to my eyes.

What have we done? What have I done? A mother doesn’t always know best. I realize that now.

My poor boy returned to an unwelcoming home, all because we were tangled in our web of lies and deception. After twelve months of solitude, he came home needing to be embraced by the arms of his loving family, and we pushed him away.

He felt like he no longer belonged, that no one cared. He felt like he had no one and nothing.

We needed to apologize to Padraig. To explain that, although they were wrong, our intentions were good. We wanted to keep everyone safe, but once more, we made decisions on his behalf because we assumed how he’d react.

We had no right to do that.

Finian’s his son. He’s already missed out on so much of his young life.

Fergal was so sure that Jaine was the right female for the Ma Duster role that we manipulated the situation to our own advantage by forcing our eldest to marry her, and his obsession with her turned to love.

She loves them both. They both love her.

I watched Jaine as she entered the room earlier. I saw the detached look both my boys drew her as each tried to show complete indifference.

But they can’t hide from me. They both adore her. They both worship her.

Now that Paddy is back in New York, guilt is eating away at my eldest. He knows Jaine is only his by default. He had to work hard for her love, whereas she gave it to his youngest brother freely because it was always his.

I take a sip of tea as I look around my luxurious home. It’s all material. It’s all meaningless. Family is all that matters, and my concern is that I’ve now destroyed mine. Because what I always feared would happen will happen, and it’s all my own fault.

My two boys will go head-to-head over the same woman, and it’s then the final lie will be revealed.

A lie that is mine alone.

Dylan has sent Fergal and me a copy of the new contract that Padraig had drawn up between him and Luciano Ruocco.

It was signed three days ago. I now know what I need to do. The final decision will then rest with Jaine.

Will she act, or won’t she?

CHAPTERFORTY-FOUR

EOIN

The Hudson Dusters’ HQ, Manhattan, New York

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