Page 104 of Dirty Padraig: Dirty Dusters

“I know. I took pictures and videos of everything….” My voice fades as the tears start to fall. “I’m so fucking sorry, Irish. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Every day, I hated myself for it.”

He ignores my feeble apology because it’s nowhere near enough salve for the damage I’ve inflicted on him.

“He looks just like me.”

“He’s you in every way, just in miniature form.” I laugh-sob.

“Ace?”

“He knew he was yours from the moment he was born. He made sure he loved Fin enough for both of you. It was his dying wish that you be united with your son.” A sob escapes me, and he pulls me closer to him.

“I’m sorry about Ace.”

“Me too.”

“What we went through together.”

“He held you in high regard. He always did. It was Dylan who was there with him in the end. I was in New York. It was when….”

“I remember, darlin’. And you saved my family? At the wedding?”

I nod. “Delaney heard a rumor that it was you who was the target. That’s the only reason I went. I would never have returned to New York so soon otherwise. In the end, I almost let the other sniper kill Eoin. I was convinced he was involved in Ace’s death.”

“Trust me, if Eoin wanted Ace dead, he would have undertaken the act personally, and he would never have denied his involvement,” he says without hesitation.

“I realize that now.”

“You love him? Eoin?”

“Yes,” I admit. “Although I hated him at first.”

“You pair always did have an unconventional relationship.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” I chuckle.

“And you love me,” he whispers.

“I never stopped.”

His hand drops from my waist to my flat stomach, then he splays his fingers. I know he’s trying to imagine what it must have felt like rounded with Fin.

Guilt eats away at me. At everything he’s missed out on. Did I make the right choices? Because he’s right, I am just as bad as his family. I did make decisions based on assumptions the same as they did. And he’s the one who’s had to live with the consequences.

“So, he was conceived when we had to perform for the camera?”

“Yes.”

“Did you keep the tapes?”

“I keep them locked up beside my engraved bullets.”

“Have you ever watched them?”

“No.”

We both know I’m lying.

“What if we die in here?” I whisper.

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