Page 42 of Dirty Eoin

“It’s fine, Dyl,” I interject.

He’ll no doubt have been put under pressure by the rest of the O’Connells to touch base and find out where my head’s at. Have I changed my mind about letting them see Fin today or haven’t I? Was my agreement a spur-of-the-moment decision and on reflection, I’ve had a change of heart?

There’s a pause.

For the first time ever, we share an awkward silence. It’s what I half expected. He won’t know what to say.

Ditto.

I share a child with his closest sibling. A little boy I’ve kept hidden.

From him. From his family. From Irish.

He’ll feel like he doesn’t know me anymore. Like he never really did. Maybe now he’ll understand how I felt when the dirty secret he kept from me came to light. How let down I was when I found out that for two years I’d been messaging Irish, believing it to be Dylan. I felt like I didn’t really know him then either. On top, I felt betrayed at the extreme lengths of covert manipulation they had all gone to to stop me from finding out, my own thoughts and feelings on the matter obviously unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

At least I didn’t pretend to be something or someone I’m not. And I kept quiet for the right reasons. My news wasn’t withheld for selfish gain or political purpose.

It was done for Irish.

But then, the deceitful part Dylan played was in his brother’s best interests too. I get that. Even though what he did was wrong, his heart was in the right place. Unlike Eoin. That asshole doesn’t have a heart. He kept up with the pretense as it fit right in with that all-important goddamn masterplan of his.

“Jaine.”

“Dyl.”

We speak at the same time, both of us no doubt feeling the need to fill this shared alien silence. We’ve never not known what to say to each other, but so much has happened in such a short time I guess neither of us knows where or even how to start.

“You go first, Dyl.”

“It’s what Ace was talking about, wasn’t it? What he meant when he said you needed to do right by Fin?”

I pause, blinking back tears as Dylan recaps Ace’s final words.

“I’m sorry, Jaine.”

“It’s fine, Dyl.” Another pause as I try my best to keep my head raised above the tidal wave of grief that still threatens to drown me most days. “Yes, it was. I wanted to tell you, but I’m glad I didn’t because with what I now know, it might not have been you I revealed it to. It could have been Irish.”

“I’m so sorry about all of that.”

“I know you are.” And I know he is. Unlike his older brother.

“And I understand the reasons you did what you did. Why you never mentioned anything about Fin.”

I sigh while running my hand down my face. I feel emotionally wrung out. “Do you? Eoin clearly doesn’t.”

“I do, Jaine. And you’re right. Our Paddy would have dragged you straight down the aisle at St. Peter’s whether you wanted to wed him or not.”

“And earned himself a bullet in the head from the Ruoccos whether I said yes or not.”

“I agree. So, my opinion, for what it’s worth, is that you did the right thing. And the rest of the family will realize that in due course. Everyone’s just a bit shell-shocked, that’s all. We expected your announcement to be something noteworthy. We didn’t expect it to be a living, breathing little person.”

“Does your ma know about Fin?”

“She does. She and Da have been speaking on and off ever since he broke the news to her.”

“About?”

“No clue. It’s all been hush-hush. I don’t even think our Eoin knows. I guess we’ll all find out today.”

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