Page 189 of Dirty Eoin

“Perhaps.”

“Describe ours. Our love.”

I pause before I speak. I want to be completely honest with him.

“I was never destined to love you, Eoin. You made me love you by showing me all of you. Every layer. No matter how evil or twisted, you never kept anything hidden from me. I didn’t fall in love with your light or your dark. I fell in love with the fusion of both. With the man as well as the monster. I would kill for you. I would die for you. When I realized I would do anything for you, that’s when I knew.”

I sit up and I look at him.

“I love you, Eoin O’Connell. But I also love your brother. My love for you won’t ever change my feelings for him and vice versa. You have to be prepared to accept that. And that’s why I think we should wait. There’s no other reason. Let’s get our heads around all of this first because the fact remains. I will always love him. And he will always be your brother.”

CHAPTERFIFTY-NINE

EOIN

The O’Connell Home, Darling, New York

How frustrating.

That the woman I love has finally confirmed that she loves me back and I can’t even fuck her as a proper thank you.

I sit on the sofa in the safe space with my legs stretched out in front of me and Jaine Jones, my now ex-wife, curled up against my side.

My mouth curves upwards. I can’t stop it.

I feel euphoric.

Is this how my brothers felt when the women they had feelings for reciprocated? How our Paddy felt when Jaine confirmed the same to him?

Guilt will always be there.

That she’s only mine because she can’t be his.

But as it was with him and Ace, I think she’d now be unable to choose between us. Her loyalty to both would see her unable to decide.

I understand her reasons for not wanting to rush back into marriage, but I don’t think she sees herself as being unwed. She’s still wearing both of her wedding rings.

She still sees herself as being tied to both Ace and me.

There’s also probably an invisible one on her finger tying her to our Paddy too.

If she won’t agree to retaking the vows immediately, then I’ll ask that she remove the ring that I placed on her finger. Then I shall have the most extravagant and largest of diamond engagement rings commissioned, get down on one knee, and force her to wear it until she relents.

She’ll hate that. Having to wear something vulgar and ostentatious.

I chuckle at the thought.

“Something funny going on inside that big head of yours?”

“You could say that.”

Her phone vibrates.

She looks at the screen. She’s not hiding anything. We can both see that it’s a message from my ma.

Roisin:We’re going to stay at Sarah and Cill’s tonight, Jaine, so you have the place to yourselves.

She leans her head back on the sofa and rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. “Great. Everyone will know by now.”

---