Page 139 of Dirty Eoin

She tilts her chin up in one last ditch attempt at defiance. “Admit what, Eoin?”

“That you were jealous.”

She frowns. I’ve asked a direct question. Will she tell a bare-faced lie, or will she be honest with me for once?

“What if I was?”

I stare down at her and she licks her lips. I can’t help but admire their glistening fullness.

Pouty. Pink. Perfection. Which she then parts invitingly. She wants me to kiss her whether she realizes it or not.

“I won’t do anything unless you beg me, Jaine.”

“I won’t beg. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure about that? Because we both know you’re asking me to do all manner of things to you without saying a word.”

“I know it will be difficult for your conceited self to believe, but I’m pretty sure I can manage to control myself,” she snaps.

Smart-mouth comments. I expected nothing less. I breathe out, running my hand through my hair in frustration.

“What the fuck are you doing, Jaine? What game is this that you insist on playing?”

Guilt crosses her face, then she frowns again. “I’m not trying to play games.”

“Well, you could have fooled me.” I release her from my caged arms. I can immediately sense her disappointment.

She wanted me to do each and every one of those things she was silently begging for. Something’s holding her back.

Is it the lack of love, or is it something else?

She pauses as she considers what to say next. “You and I both know that we share a physical attraction.”

“Yes. It’s called lust, Jaine, but what you were displaying outside was envy so is it lust or is it something more.”

I stare at her and watch as a flicker of something crosses her face. Realization?

“I don’t love you.”

Is she trying to convince me or herself?

“So you’ve said on numerous occasions, Jaine. Quite frankly, whether you do or whether you don’t now is moot. You need to decide once and for all what you want.”

“I’m sorry, Eoin. I think it’s best for everyone that we just stay out of each other’s way.”

I stare at her. She’s a fool if she thinks separation is the answer. Removing the temptation doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. As we’ve just witnessed, all it does is exacerbate the situation and intensify the craving. Next time, we may not have the willpower to walk away.

What then? We fuck on a whim? Again and again and again?

Despite the temptation, it’s not enough for me anymore. From anyone else, I can accept half-measures, but from her, I want all or I want nothing.

I rub my hand over my frustrated eyes.

What Jaine doesn’t realize is that she had no need to run for the hills. I merely gave Ava a polite kiss on the cheek as a farewell. I’ve never kissed her. I’ve never fucked her. I will touch no other female while Jaine is still legally my wife.

I don’t want the annulment. I reluctantly returned the paperwork because I need to move on with my life. It’s time to throw in the towel now as my wife is clearly adamant that she and I will never share a future. We need to draw a line under these mind games once and for all.

We stare at each other, but neither of us walks away because neither of us is prepared to accept that this is it.

---