Page 94 of Dirty Eoin

“I’d be honored to.”

“Honored to what?” I smile-frown at him.

“Help you raise JJ.” He pauses. “I understand I can never replace Ace, but I’d like to be there for him all the same.”

He’s asking if it’s okay for him to love my little boy. I instantly feel tears prick my eyes. There’s no way he won’t be able to see them, but he says nothing.

“And what else did Duke’s big mouth have to say for itself?”

There’s a pause.

“He said that you have feelings for me.” It’s quietly spoken. He’s unsure of himself because he’s not sure if it’s true or not. “Do you?”

I nod slowly. I’m not going to lie, but I’m also not going to tell him that they’re feelings I wish I never had. Feelings I never in a million years expected to have. Feelings I don’t know what the fuck to do with.

Feelings that make me feel all kinds of other feelings, none of which are positive.

Guilt. Betrayal.

I don’t want to know if he has feelings for me, so I don’t repeat his question.

I just want to live in the present for now, just for a little while longer. It will all be over soon enough.

“If you can get tomorrow off, we can take the boys out for the day.” It’s time for the final push.

“Consider it done.” I watch as he pulls out his phone.

* * *

I don’t thinkit would have mattered what Eoin had planned. He cleared his calendar so he could spend the day with me and the kids.

We didn’t go anywhere fancy. Just to the local park.

It’s amazing what new adventures you can find just by being outdoors and using your imagination. It’s all me and Ace ever relied on when we were kids. I want my boys to grow up the same way, even if it’s not in Rising.

We pushed the kids on the swings. Then we ate a picnic, and Finian emptied his Jell-O over the top of his baby brother’s head. JJ cried, not because of the injustice of it all, but because it went all over his precious soother.

Fin, knowing he was in trouble, ran as fast as his chubby little legs could carry him, which wasn’t very fast at all. His childish laughter filled the air as he was chased and then caught by his Uncle Eoin, who proceeded to throw him so high in the air I had to close my eyes as I couldn’t bear to watch. When I opened them, he had already been caught in his safe, strong arms.

I smile as Eoin laughs heartily, something I’ve never seen him do.

Today, he’s not a mobster. Today, he’s a man enjoying a rare day out with his family. The kids are appreciating every minute with him, just as he is with them.

For a man who has it all, he actually wants very little.

He wants a wife. He wants children. He wants a family. Because this man was born to be a husband. Born to be a father. Born to head a family.

He makes eye contact with me as I sit with JJ on a blanket on the grass.

And I see it. It’s clear as day.

Love.

I watch as he then takes Fin’s hand and leads him to the little pond. It’s not big, it’s not deep, but it’s enough to show him how to skim stones.

Because that’s exactly what he does.

I have to hold in the sob that’s bursting to escape.

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