Page 92 of Dirty Eoin

He pauses, a frown creasing his forehead. “Now, I know your family has been spending a lot of time with Finian recently, and rightly so. He’s an O’Connell and I’m told he’s his father’s son too. But I’m glad you’ve finally had the chance to meet little JJ today.” He pauses once more. “You see, with Jason gone, any new man in Jainie’s life will immediately become JJ’s father figure. I know the same could be said for Fin, but we both know he has a daddy who’s alive and well, and while he may not know about him just yet, we also know that will change. At some point, he’ll become part of his life. It’s different for little JJ with his daddy having passed.”

He looks at the little boy and smiles. It’s bittersweet. He’s lost his son but gained a grandchild. Like Fin looks like Paddy, I’m sure JJ looks just like Ace at the same age.

He turns his attention back to me.

“If you and Jainie ever decide to make a proper go of this marriage, and by that, I mean if you ever decide to live together as a family, then you’ll instantly become the man JJ looks up to. You’d have to be prepared to accept him as your son, even though he’s not your flesh and blood because, growing up, little JJ won’t know any different. Not until he’s older and it’s all explained to him.”

He rubs his hand over his face. Despite several months having passed, it’s clear Ace’s death is as raw a subject for him as it ever was, as it still is for Jaine. The fact that he was murdered and the party responsible is still at large must make it even more difficult to accept and move on.

He exhales.

“See, I’m getting on in life now, son. I won’t be around forever. And I don’t want JJ to miss out on having a well-rounded childhood. To experience that, he needs to be surrounded by family.” He pauses once more as he glances at JJ, then back at me. “So, if it’s all right with you and your folks, I’d like for little JJ to be included in your plans every once in a while and that you take time getting to know him too. Because despite him not being an O’Connell, Fin and JJ are blood brothers. They deserve to grow up together. To be there for each other much the same as you are with your own siblings. I’m guessing between you four boys, you’ll produce many grandbabies for your folks in due course. That yours will be a large close-knit family of siblings and cousins. Neither Jainie nor Ace had that growing up. They only really had each other. In a way, it was a good thing. In a way, not so good. They loved each other so much. Maybe too much. They became dependent on each other. When they stopped talking, my boy struggled to move on with his life. It was like something died inside him the day Jainie left Rising. He never got over losing her, and I’m not sure she coped either.

“I know one of Jaine’s biggest regrets is that it was only ever her and Ace. Now he’s gone, she has no one to reminisce with. I know she’s mentally boxed up a whole truckload of her childhood memories because she has no one to share any of them with now. I know she doesn’t want that for Fin or JJ. She wants them to grow up part of a large, loving family.”

He pauses once more.

“The boys aside, I know Jainie has feelings for you, Eoin. She may not have said anything, and maybe I shouldn’t be saying anything either, but I’ve known her since she was seven years old, so there’s not much she can hide from me. I just want what’s best for her. For all of them. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you need to decide if the feelings you have for her are enough that you’re prepared to take on a ready-made family. They come as a package. You can’t pick and choose. Don’t sign up and then decide it’s not worth it or it’s all too much effort. They’ve been through enough as it is.”

I stand, silently taking on board what Duke’s said word for word. I understand. My family has unintentionally been separating the siblings because all we’ve been focused on is getting to know Fin. In making up for lost time.

He’s a Duster heir. An O’Connell. It was a natural and understandable reaction. But in doing so, we’ve stopped him from spending time with his baby brother. A little boy who needs his older sibling around to learn from and to be there for him. Same as my brothers always relied on me and, on occasion, still do. We need to welcome both children into our family. Treat JJ as an O’Connell and include him in our future organizational plans. Duke’s right. I’ll be the only da he’ll ever know.

Is this why Jaine’s refusing to commit further? Why she’s limited my involvement in her life and in her children’s lives? Because she’s concerned I won’t accept them as a package. That I won’t grow to love Ace’s son and treat him like my own?

I look down at him. JJ is quiet and reserved, much like his da was. I’m sure he sees everything and misses nothing too, just like his da did.

He lifts his head and stares up and me with an expression so open and honest. Can I be the father he needs now that his own has been taken from him? He’s already lost so much in his short life.

I smile down at him, and he smiles a gummy one back, causing me to laugh out loud.

Yes. I think I can.

CHAPTERTHIRTY

JAINE

Jaine’s Apartment, Upper East Side, New York

I watchas Eoin discards his jacket then yanks off his tie before taking a seat on the sofa and running his hand through his hair.

He’s agitated.

No sooner had he turned up here today then he was called away again.

We both have successful companies to run. We may not appreciate their demands at times, but it comes with the territory.

The reason he’s so frustrated is because he was hoping to spend some quality time with me and the kids. That we could do something together for once as a real family.

In his haste to get here, he’s come straight from the office as he’s still wearing his business suit, and now he’s frustrated because, despite his best efforts, he’s still arrived too late.

It’s seven p.m. and both boys are already tucked up in bed.

If he lived with us, he wouldn’t have to try to squeeze himself into an allocated timeslot. If he lived here, we could take meals together, watch movies together, play games together, and do normal family stuff together.

But he doesn’t. Because I won’t let him. He feels pigeon-holed. I know he does.

I pour him a whiskey as I do every evening. He only has one as he likes to keep his wits about him around me and the kids.

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