Page 169 of Dirty Eoin

I look down at the man who’s turned my whole world upside down. The man who until recently I regretted having any feelings for. The man who, despite everything I’ve thrown at him, has refused to give up on me.

And now it’s my turn to never give up on him.

“Thank you.”

I feel stupid saying the words aloud knowing he might not even be able to hear me.

I sit on the edge of his bed and take his hand in mine. It feels warm. Not like Ace’s did when I last held his. It’s comforting. The warmth of his skin is giving me hope because it means he’s still alive.

“For what you did. For saving Fin. If you hadn’t stepped in front of him…” My voice breaks.

Dec’s already confirmed the gun was pointed in Fin’s direction. That my little boy may well be dead if not for Eoin.

This man would do anything for his family, including die for them.

“And I’m sorry for everything. I should never have done what I did. I wanted to hurt you so badly I couldn’t see straight, but in the end, all I succeeded in doing was hurting myself. I threw your love back in your face when deep down it was the thing I wanted most.”

I pause. My emotions threaten to drown me, but I can’t let them. If I break now, I know I’ll never be unbroken. If he dies, there won’t be anyone left who can piece me back together.

I exhale shakily.

“I love you, Eoin O’Connell. I sent you a message…it was from my burner, so you probably didn’t….” I suddenly can’t breathe at the thought of a life without him in it. It doesn’t matter in what capacity just so long as he’s still alive and not dead.

Not like Ace.

I take a few slow, deep breaths.

“I’m so sorry. I’m trying so hard to be the brave Jaine Jones that everyone expects me to be at all times, but I guess I’m only human. And sometimes even the brave ones fall apart.”

And then the tears fall hard, steady, and ugly.

For him.

For me.

For an us that might never be.

Wiping my face with my hands, I reach into my pocket and pull out my ear pods.

“I told you a while back that I’d pick us a song. Well, I have. I chose it the very next day, but there just never seemed to be a right time…” My voice fades once more at the realization that there never was a right time because I never allowed there to be one.

He didn’t ask for much from me.

For my love. For me to spend time with him. For me to let him in.

He wanted to be part of my life. He wanted to be part of my family. I dangled it all in front of him then deliberately pulled it away.

“Anyway, I hope you like it.”

Standing, I place one of the pods in his ear before placing the other in my own. Then I curl up on the chair beside his bed, take his strong hand in mine, and let our song play on repeat.

* * *

“The Lady with the Lamp returns.”

“Very funny, Tim. You definitely missed your calling. You should have been a comedian.”

He chuckles heartily. “I’m sure your husband will be very appreciative of the overall effects of your dedication. I’m not too sure he’ll have enjoyed you talking his ears off every night while he’s trying to sleep, even if the equipment is showing that his brain activity goes through the roof any time you’re nagging him.”

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