Page 158 of Dirty Eoin

“We’ve got Malky.” My smirk turns into a frown at the abruptness in his tone. “He’s at the docks. I’ll pick you up. Eoin will want you to be there.”

* * *

I can tellDylan’s in some sort of mood the moment I get in the SUV because there are no niceties and no eye contact, both of which aren’t like him.

Given recent events, the surveillance will be heavily monitored. There’s no way he won’t have seen me showing up at Eoin’s apartment. Arriving late at night and leaving before daybreak. I suspect he’s pissed at what he sees as me leading his brother on yet again. He’s right. Unintentionally I am because I can’t seem to stay away.

“What are you doing, Jaine?”

I knew it.

“I don’t know.” It’s the honest answer.

He laughs dryly. “You don’t know. Well, let me tell you exactly what you’re doing. You’re messing with my big brother’s head. Again.” There’s a pause. “I understand your reasons for doing what you did, Jaine, but you’ve paid him back now. Isn’t that enough?”

I stare out the window. I deserve his frustrations. What he doesn’t realize is that his mirror my own.

“You’ve always insisted that you hated Eoin, but you never actually did. That’s just what you wanted us to believe because it’s what you wanted to believe. You then used that hate as something to focus on throughout this whole Paddy thing. I understand. It’s what you needed to do to get through it. But it’s done now, Jaine. It’s time to move on.”

I side glance at him as he runs a hand through his hair before turning my attention back out the window.

“You know as well as I do that there’s always been something between you and him. You loved Ace. You love Paddy. You’re obviously capable of loving more than one person, so why can’t there be room in your heart for Eoin too because he loves you, Jaine. He really fucking does.”

He exhales loudly, no doubt at my lack of response.

I want to speak, but I can’t.

In order to meaningfully respond, I have to say what’s on my mind, and I don’t know what’s going on in my fucking mind, so how can he expect me to find the right goddamn words?

Time passes. I’m well aware that with every second it appears more and more like I don’t give a fuck, but I do.

“I don’t have the answers to give right now, Dylan. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s all I have.”

He lets out a long sigh. “No, I’m sorry Jaine. I appreciate it may not have been the ideal timing for this conversation to have taken place given everything you’ve just been through.” Another sigh. “When you and Eoin wed, it was meant to be for the protection of Fin, but it’s gone way beyond that now. You’ve both stepped so far over the line there’s no coming back. It has to be all or nothing. There can’t be any more of this back and forth because that’s not fair on him, and you know it. Eoin needs to move on with his life. You both need to. And Ava… well, she’s not like Molly. She’s a nice girl from a good family. So, if you don’t want Eoin, for Christ’s sake just let him go and let him be with someone who does.”

Having been delivered a heaped plate of food for thought, we travel the rest of the way in frigid silence.

The Docks, Hudson Yards

There’s no chair.

This Mr. Unfortunate has been suspended by chains until only his bare feet reach the floor. He’s wearing pants and nothing else, just like his unlucky predecessor, the folds of his obese body hanging in multiple layers over the top of the stained black material.

This time I’m guessing the thick metal bound around his wrists will be used to sink him to the deep like some sort of fucked up human anchor.

“Leave.”

Dyl knows it’s directed at him. He’s probably heard the same single word order on numerous occasions. Big brother is as private about his killings as he is everything else in his life.

Despite our awkward journey, Dyl reaches out to squeeze my arm. Is it in comfort? Maybe he doesn’t realize I’ve been here before.

Maybe it’s because he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I get it. He cares for me a great deal, but I’m not foolish enough to think it isn’t surpassed by the love he feels for his own flesh and blood.

I take in Malky McGrath as I wait for Dylan to leave. The man who bitch-slapped me until I was almost blinded in one eye and the one who tried to end the life of the reigning Ma Duster.

He looks confused.

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