Page 120 of Dirty Eoin

“Who?” I mumble between sobs, my face pressed against his cotton shirt. I’ve asked the question, but I already know who he’s referring to.

“Eoin. Can’t you find it in your heart to forgive him for what he did? For whatever part he played in the Dusters’ bigger picture that day? I mean, you know now the final decision wasn’t his.”

I sit up and rub the heel of my hand over my swollen eyes. “I deserve justice, Duke. Irish deserves justice. Fin deserves justice.”

“But Padraig and Fin aren’t asking for it. And even if Padraig knew the truth, he’d still most likely forgive his big brother.”

“What are you saying?”

“That it’s only you who’s seeking revenge, and I never thought you the vindictive type.”

“I’m not. Not usually.”

“Then why with Eoin?”

My mind drifts to the Irishman. The bane of my life. My arch-nemesis. The villain of my story. My husband.

I chose to make him all of the above. He didn’t ask to be any.

“Because he infuriates me. Because he drives me insane. I want to kill him with my bare hands, and I want to kiss him at the same time, and that just makes me hate him more.”

He chuckles. “So, what you’re saying is that he frustrates the hell out of you. There’s a thin line between love and hate, Jainie.”

“I don’t love him.”

“Are you saying that because you feel you have to? You don’t need to say it on my account or on account of Ace. Ace knew you loved Padraig as much as you did him. He accepted that you had the ability to love more than one person.”

I sigh. “Even if I did love Eoin, which I don’t, how can I ever forgive him? He still played a part in all the pain and suffering.”

Duke chuckles again. It’s a warm sound. It makes me realize how fucking glad I am that he came to New York with me. “Look at the pain Ace caused you over the years. And you forgave him.”

“That was different.”

“Why? Pain is pain, Jainie. Padraig caused you pain too. If I recall, he cheated on you. That’s the reason you and he split up in the first place.”

I stare into space as I take in what Duke said.

“All I’m saying is, don’t throw away a chance at happiness because you want someone to blame for all the things that have gone wrong in your life.”

“And is that what you think I’m doing? With Eoin?

“I think you’ve focused on that moment as being the time when everything went wrong, and as Eoin delivered the unwelcome news, rightly or wrongly, you’ve held him responsible. But look at all the good that came from that day. You came home to Rising. You married Ace. There were a lot of positives, little JJ being one of them. The point I’m trying to make is that a lot of people contributed to the unhappy events that have been scattered throughout your journey. I’m sure in some ways even I did. But you didn’t bear a grudge with them. Or with me.” He kisses me on the forehead before he stands. “If you don’t want to be with Eoin, that’s your choice. All I’m saying is make that decision for the right reasons and not because of something he dropped the ball on in the past. All of us have dropped the ball at some point, yourself included. Ace is gone and Padraig’s following his own path. You need to do the same. You need to let go of the past. You have a future. Ace doesn’t. Live your best life for both of you. You know that’s what he would have wanted, and I’m pretty sure it’s what Padraig would want for you to.”

I frown at him. “Even if my future lies with his own brother?”

Duke shrugs. “Love is love. None of us get to choose. We’ve just got to grab hold of it where we can.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-NINE

JAINE

Jaine’s Apartment, Upper East Side, New York

Fin iswith Sarah and Cill today as the activity they’ve gone on is for children that little bit older than my youngest.

I’ve just fed JJ and now we’re watchingDumbofor the nth time. I’m not sure which of us love that movie most.

I drop my nose to his black curls, inhaling his perfect baby smell as he lies on me with his thumb in his mouth and his soother clutched tightly in his chubby little hand.

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