Page 67 of Dirty Dylan: Dirty Dusters

He leans back in his chair as he observes me. I was unreasonable on the first part. I take the entire blame for that firmly on the chin. But he must realize he’s made things worse. And the second fuck up is all his doing, not mine.

“You’ve made matters ten times worse because Jessie now thinks I’m to be married to the love of my life. To a woman I’ve been pining over for years. She’ll never forgive me for that act of betrayal because she’ll never believe I didn’t know about all this well in advance.”

“And that you fucked her regardless.”

“Yes!”

“Do you love her?”

“Aye, Paddy. I really do.” I’m admitting it to myself as much as to him.

More alien feelings.

“Shit.” He runs both hands down his face as it dawns on him my future is now as bleak as his.

“Yes, shit. And your lies have exacerbated an already complex situation. She’ll think it’s game over. That I’ve found my happily ever after with Grace Ryan. Not that I had much of a chance beforehand where Jessie’s concerned, but I’ve zero now.”

“What do you mean you never had much of a chance?” He frowns.

“Have you seen her? She’s way out of my league.”

“Obviously she doesn’t think so, or she wouldn’t have fucked you. So, do you reckon she doesn’t love you back?”

I shrug. “I’ve never asked her, and she’s never mentioned it, so we’ll never know now, will we? She probably assumed, like me, that there was no rush for such a heart-to-heart conversation. I was going to speak to Da once I had found out who she was. I thought it would be a done deal since they get on so well and she was already making an impression doing what she does for our organization.”

“Why didn’t she tell you who she was?”

I run my hand through my hair in frustration. It’s getting too long again but I don’t want anyone else to cut it. Only her.

“She was leaving it up to Jaine. It’s what they’d agreed between them. Apparently, Jaine wanted to speak to Eoin first. I guess because there was the potential for a conflict of interest. Jessie is part of the Sons, who are now part of the La eMe alliance. She’s also going to be Razr’s sister-in-law.”

“It’s all quite incestuous.” Paddy laughs.

“Isn’t that the norm in this life when we typically wed our own kind?”

“I guess. And with Jessie’s background, she’s the perfect match.”

“Jessie’s the perfect everything. Shit, Paddy. My life is over.”

“It’s not over. It will all work itself out.”

“You mean like your situation did with Jaine?”

The moment the words leave my mouth, I instantly regret them. Guilt flows through me as I watch his mouth turn down. I remember it like it was yesterday. Jaine breaking her heart over the phone. Our Paddy turning to the drink. Neither has ever recovered. I usually back the decisions we make as a family, but we really did drop the ball that day.

We ripped apart a fated pair.

Now I know exactly how he feels. I’ve only experienced it for five minutes, but Paddy’s been living it for years. How the hell does he cope?

Day by day, I guess. Same as I’ll have to learn to.

I know he didn’t mean any harm when he said what he did. I realize it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but it hasn’t helped.

“I’m sorry, Paddy. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry, Dyl. I’ll do my best to sort it.” He smiles, but it’s forced. I know he’s just been reliving the same moment I was.

“How?”

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