Page 93 of Dirty Dylan: Dirty Dusters

“Coffee?”

“You know me so well, big brother.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-NINE

JESSIE

Jessie’s Family Home, Colton, Nevada

Colton.

Home sweet home.

The place I grew up. The place I never truly felt I belonged.

I park up the hired black SUV, opening the window to inhale the Nevada air deep into my lungs.

There’s no smell. Desert air doesn’t have a scent. It’s just hot and unbelievably dry. Both are currently magnified because it’s late afternoon. The sun’s riding the sky high.

It’s been twenty-four hours since the confrontation. Twenty-four hours since I returned to my apartment and disconnected all my software. I carried out a sweep of my systems, packed the important parts in a suitcase, and then, with a few essentials thrown on top, I chartered a big ass airplane and set off for home.

I left New York without a word. I didn’t tell the Dusters. I haven’t even told Jaine. I couldn’t stay there. Not after witnessing what I did.

I can’t even bring myself to think about what went down. I will, though. In time. And I’ll dissect it. I’m an accountant, after all. It’s in my nature to analyze. But I’ll only do so when I’m safe within the confines of my childhood bedroom, and when I get a chance to stop and catch my breath.

Humiliation flows through me once more that he fucked us both on the same day. Me in the morning. Her in the evening. What makes it even worse is that I allowed it to happen knowing he’d already made his choices.

In the end I ignored my own principles and in turn let myself down.

He picked her. He wants her. He loves her.Jesus Christ, Jessie. What the hell were you thinking? Were you hoping he’d change his mind?

Still, I’ll survive. And that big old outlaw world of ours will keep right on turning.

Us O’Briens are as tough as old boots. I may be the weakest link in our family. I may be the one least deserving of wearing that one percent badge. But I know I’ve got it in me to do what needs doing should the need ever arise.

Have I killed before? Nope. Never had to. I’ve never seen the need to without good reason. It doesn’t mean I can’t. Or won’t. That I haven’t thought about it or been tempted on more than one occasion. I’m a biker. It’s in my blood to spill someone else’s blood.

Has Grace killed? It’s unlikely. Their love of systems is what brought them together way back when. It’s that shared background that made her and Dylan the perfect match in the eyes of both sets of proud mobster parents.

Stepping out of the vehicle, I stare at the cloudless blue sky. Sweat immediately starts to prickle my skin.

My eyes drift over our family home. It’s a white-painted property with a cream-tiled roof. It’s custom-built, single-story with ten bedrooms, all ensuite, and loads of other living spaces. There are no gardens. Nothing grows in Nevada. Nothing ever changes much either.

The driveway is gravel, and the landscaping is made up of rocks so perfectly oval in shape they look almost fake. The views are to die for. On one side, it’s nothing but open space. On the other, mountains. Breathtaking, beautiful mountains.

I lean against the vehicle, close my eyes, and welcome the sound of absolute silence. It’s a far cry from the constant hum of honking horns, wailing sirens, and obscenity-yelling yellow cab drivers I’ve come to associate with the stench-ridden streets of New York.

“And how is my sister?”

“I’m fine. Thank you for asking, Conor.”

My heart swells with affection. I smile while keeping my eyes closed as I acknowledge my half-sibling and Bee’s full brother. Their mom ran out on Daddy when Bee was just six months old. An addict was the line daddy fed us. But she wasn’t. Tadgh and I were old enough to know better. You see true addiction when you grow up just sixty miles outside of Sin City. I think the poor woman was just fed-up fighting for love and affection from a man who gave her neither because he never really wanted her. Because he never really loved her. So, in the end, he couldn’t and didn’t give her what she needed emotionally.

Who knows, maybe one day she’ll return. What I do know is she left in order to survive.

The same reason I left Manhattan.

My daddy’s heart broke when my own momma left him. Tadgh and I were just babies at the time, so no one really knows what went on. In the end, she divorced him and married someone else. Something that doesn’t happen either in this life or in our religion. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. No exceptions.

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