Page 117 of Dirty Dylan: Dirty Dusters

She called. She said she would. She did.

But big brother was watching.

For a fleeting moment, I had hope. A small flicker of light. Then it was gone. Snuffed out. Foolish hope. Hope that took advantage of my gullibility. Hope that laughed at my dreams. At my wants. At my needs.

At my desperation.

Tears prick my eyes.

It’s then I hear it. Singing its familiar siren song. Calling out to me. The intoxicating tendrils of the amber liquid reaching out to try to poison my receptive mind.

It’s winning. Because all hope is lost. Foolish or otherwise.

It’s so easy.

Pour. Drink. Repeat.

My shaky hand reaches out for the crystal decanter. See, I’ve always kept it in the house to prove my own willpower. Thou shall not give in to temptation. It was easy enough when I had her.

I hear a sob. It’s me. There’s no one else here. It echoes in my brain. Then I realize it’s not an echo. It’s just a new one each time.

Each its own cry for help.

But there’s no one to help. There’s no one who can save me from me.

Only her.

And she’s gone.

Jaine:I’m sorry.

I stare at the screen, temporarily dazed. Two words. From her. Please, God, let there be more. I’m fucking begging you to let there be more.

My hand hovers over the crystal.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Drink. Drink. Drink.

She’s typing.

Jaine:I’d like to start again if we can, Dyl. Can we just go back to the way things were?

I realize she doesn’t know it’s me. But she’s missed the exchanges all the same. Not his and hers. Mine and hers.Ourexchanges. And I’ll take that. I’ll take fucking anything I can get. I wipe my face then sit on the sectional and lean back.

Padraig:You mean where you message me a million times a day to complain with me responding with a hilarious joke each time to cheer you up?

Jaine:You mean they were meant to be funny? Shit. Sorry, I didn’t realize. I clean forgot to laugh.

Padraig:I’m wounded. There’s an old expression, Jaine.

Jaine:If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. I know. An extremely annoying Irishman used to say that to me most days. So, sue me. I forget that every time too.

Padraig:Not sure if suing you would be a good idea. Is that your unbiased professional opinion?

Jaine:Well, I can’t really answer that due to the blatant conflict of interest.

Padraig:So, Jaine.

Jaine:So, Dyl. I’m sorry. I’ve missed you.

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