Page 35 of Bring Me To My Knees

Marley was waiting in the living room for me to get home to ask me twenty-one questions. I wish she’d open herself up to someone. She deserves to have everything and more.

I guess that’s all I have to say for now.

Love, Mallory.

I close the journal, sobbing into my hands. I remember that night. She came home smiling so brightly. She was a goner for Beau. They were the ‘it’ couple. He loved my sister exactly how she deserved to be loved.

Taking a deep breath, I open the journal again, skimming towards the back. I wonder if there’s anything in here that will tell me what was going on in her mind when she died? Did she write about what happened to make her take her own life?

Dear Diary,

I’ve never hated anyone more than I hate my own mother. She’s completely ruined my life. I can’t tell anyone what happened today. I’ll take this secret to my grave. Yesterday was one of the scariest but happiest days of my life. It was completely cut short by my own mother.

I hadn’t had a period in a month. I thought it was because I’d been losing so much weight lately. I haven’t been feeling well and lost my appetite. Beau told me that maybe I should take a pregnancy test. We’re always careful, but anything can happen.

He brought one over and I took it. The two of us sat in my bathroom, together, holding hands, and our breaths. When the two pink lines popped up, I wasn’t sure what to think. We’re too young to be parents, but if I’m going to be a mom, there’s no one else I’d rather do it with. He’s my soulmate.

We sat in silence for a while. Neither one of us were sure what to say or do.

I asked him what we should do. He had no idea. I think we were both a little stunned that I actually was pregnant, it was hard to wrap our heads around the situation. He said we needed to tell someone. He thought we should bring it to his parents first because they’re more understanding.

He was right. He always is. I knew my parents would probably disown me when they found out. I would be the stain on their perfect image.

I agreed that it was the right decision. They would help keep me and our baby safe.

He told me he was going to go home and plan dinner for tonight. We could tell them together.

After I told him goodbye, I got up from the floor and tossed the test in the trash can.

That’s where I made my first mistake.

A few hours later, I was downstairs, making a sandwich. My mother came flying into the kitchen, cursing at me, waving the test in my face.

My heart dropped into my stomach. Why was she in my bathroom? How did she find it? I asked her what she was doing digging through my stuff. That’s when she told me the maid found it. She thought that it was the right thing to do to tell my mother what she found. I gave her a snarky response, and that just pissed her off more.

She demanded I give her my phone. I tried everything to keep her from taking it, but nothing worked. That’s when she dropped a bomb on me. She told me that we were going to take care of the problem.

I asked her what that meant, but she wouldn’t elaborate. I told her I wasn’t going anywhere with her and she couldn’t make me. After she left the kitchen, I fell to the floor, sobbing. How was I going to tell Beau? I hadn’t seen Marley in days, so I couldn’t use her phone.

I couldn’t sleep all night. I was terrified of what she had planned. Was she going to make me give the baby up for adoption? Was she going to send me away until I had it? I don’t even know if he showed up to pick me up, because she wouldn’t let me out of my room.

Around eight in the morning, she came into my room, yelling for me to get up and get dressed. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, yanking me from bed, throwing clothes at me, while I sobbed.

She was unaffected by how she was making me feel.

She practically pulled me outside, shoving me into her car.

That’s when she told me that she was taking me to the clinic. It felt like she had just ripped my heart out of my chest. She couldn’t force me to do that, could she? They can’t make you have an abortion. Can they?

An hour later, we were pulling into the parking lot of the clinic. The building looked like any other office, except for the crowd of twenty or so people that were standing outside with signs. The signs had pictures of babies, words that said things like ‘murderer’ and ‘sinner’. They were calling me a slut and a whore. They were yelling that I was going to hell. That I’d never be forgiven in the eyes of the Lord.

I was scared to death. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted someone to help me, not scream in my face.

When we finally made it inside, we were ushered to a small waiting room. They handed my mom a clipboard and told her that she needed to fill out my information. They didn’t even acknowledge me.

Once we sat down, my mother leaned over to whisper in my ear. She told me that I would never amount to anything if I had this baby. She told me that she wasn’t going to help me raise it. She said I would be an embarrassment to the entire family. She told me that I’d never see Beau again unless I cooperated.

I was so scared. You have no idea what money can do. How it can ruin lives.

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