Page 75 of Three Times You

And she continues talking with great tranquility until she gets up from the bench and walks over to the stroller. I never stop filming her even as she bends over and delicately picks Aurora up and holds her in her arms. “Here I am, my darling love. This is what you are right now…And we’re together.” And she shows Aurora to the cell phone camera and gives her a tiny peck on the cheek. “You’re sleeping, and I am awakening you as I always will in every instant of your life.”

Then she hugs the baby close to her face, shuts her eyes, and breathes her in. “I can smell you and feel you. We’re close as close can be, the way I always would have wanted our lives to be. Promise me that you’ll be happy. I love you so very much.”

I see that she’s nodding her head, as if to say that she’s finished, so I stop recording.

Gin delicately sets Aurora down in the baby carriage. She covers her up with the sheet and then turns to look at me. “Thanks.”

I say nothing. I feel like weeping, but I choke back the tears. In the end, I manage to speak. “She’ll be happy.”

“Yes, I’m happy I did it.” Then she locks arms with me and leans her head on my shoulder. “Will you push the baby carriage for a while?”

“Certainly.”

And so we start walking toward the long path that leads down to the Villa Glori exit. Then Gin caresses my hand. “I’ve loved you so very much. We could have been a very nice couple. Too bad there wasn’t more time. Now let’s go to my parents’ place. We can drop Aurora off with them.”

“Yes, all right.”

“And then you can take me to the hospital.”

Chapter 58

I’ve managed to get a room at the Quisisana Clinic, the finest there is, a small suite with the option of having Aurora in the adjoining room.

At first, Gin was very anxious. “What am I going to do about the baby bottle and the milk? Will we have enough? We’re going to have to make sure that we get the right kind. I’ve seen that other brands bother her. And then later on, when it comes time to wean her, we’ll need to use vegetable broth, baby foods, tapioca flour and rice flour. We’ll need to ask her pediatrician which ones to use…”

“My love, I’ve brought everything. Don’t worry about it. Little by little, we’ll get it all organized.”

“I won’t be there, I won’t be there.”

And she bursts into tears, and I embrace her and hold her tight, and I really don’t know what to say to her. I feel so helpless, so inept.

Then Gin calms down. “Forgive me. This isn’t right. I want to leave you with a pretty picture of me, and now I won’t be able to.”

“Whatever else you do, it won’t matter. Be yourself, be whatever you feel like, do what you’ve always done. It’s what I’ve always liked so much about you. Don’t go changing.”

Then she smiles at me and takes the key. “Let’s go into the bedroom.”

***

Over the next few days, everyone comes to visit Gin, taking turns in an orderly fashion. Her father, her mother, Eleonora, Ilaria, her brother, Luke, with Carolina, her other best girlfriends—Angela, and Simona—her grandmother Clelia, Adelmo, her cousin, Uncle Ardisio’s son, and also Maria Linda, her colleague from the university.

Dr. Milani stops by twice a day, always with an elegant and dutiful attitude, but sadly he knows that he can’t tell us anything different from what we already know all too well.

On Monday morning, the doctor comes to see me. “We’ve had to increase the dosage of her morphine. She’ll experience less pain that way. It seems awful to make her suffer.”

I can’t think of anything to say but “Yes.”

In the afternoon, Don Andrea stops by. “How are you doing, Stefano?” But I can’t bring myself to answer the question, I just bow my head a little, and I sit there, staring at the floor.

Then he lays a hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry. Apparently, the Lord has other plans for her.”

“Yes.”

And I’m reminded of my mother. I’ve already experienced all this once before, but only at the end. I didn’t know that there, too, I was dealing with such an extreme situation. “It’s a pity, though, that He can’t surprise anymore with some miracle or other…”

Don Andrea looks at me, but he says nothing. Then he shrugs. “Well, I’m going to go see her.” And all alone he walks into Gin’s room and remains in there for more than forty minutes.

When he emerges, I can see that he’s less tense than before. In fact, he actually smiles. Then he walks over to me and gives me a hug. “Gin is stronger than any of us. She’s surprised me in the past, but now she’s completely astonished me. She’s extraordinary. I have to go. If there’s anything you need, reach out. And then…you’ll let me know what you want to do.” He leaves.

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