Page 71 of Three Times You

“No.”

The doctor must be less than pleased, but he conceals the fact. He picks up the test results but then he sets them right back down on his desk. “We should have started the therapy much, much sooner.”

Gin says nothing for a moment. She decides to be courteous. “I know that. I made a conscious choice.”

“We started from stage two, and now we’re at stage three, even though you seem to be tolerating these cycles perfectly. You show no signs of the impact.”

“Oh, but I can feel them inside.”And you can’t imagine how badly, doctor, she’s tempted to add.It’s painful, so painful and devastating, and we’re not talking about the pain you’re thinking of.

“You shouldn’t be carrying this whole burden all on your own. Have you talked to your husband about it?”

“No.”

“Then talk to a girlfriend, talk to your mother, a family member, someone who can be close to you in this difficult moment. You can’t just keep everything pent up inside, I know that you have a little girl, but she can’t be the only person in your life. You need to find the peace of mind and tranquility to face up to this moment with the right state of mind, with the right head space, with the same serenity every time you look at…What is your daughter’s name?”

“Aurora.”

“Okay. Well, we need to bring about a miracle, for Aurora’s sake.”

***

Gin is sitting at the Due Pini café, at a small table outside in the open air. She’s been fortunate because the sun has come out from behind the clouds. She looks up at it with something approaching envy, and a sense of total resignation suddenly pervades her.How long will it be until I can no longer experience this pleasant warmth?And the thing that hurts her the worst is that she won’t live to hear Aurora speak her first words.

Gin is about to start crying, but then it’s as if she’s found the inner strength to stanch those tears, to rediscover a sense of equilibrium.You can’t give up now of all times, Gin, you’re halfway through, nothing is certain at this point, and you’re still here, on the face of the earth, clear-eyed, well aware, strong, more or less sure of yourself, but in any case, the way you’ve always been. You’ve only lost a few strands of hair, but no one even seems to have noticed.

Then she sees Ele arrive. She smiles at Gin and waves hello from a distance. She locks her car and strides over with her incredibly fast step. Ele kisses her and then lets herself collapse into the chair facing Gin. “Oh, at last. I thought I’d been the maid of honor for a ghost. Damn, we’ve been playing phone tag and just tag in general all week long.”

“You’re right. I apologize. I haven’t been feeling all that well. I’ve had a bit of a problem.”

“What problem?”

“Step.”

“Have you lost your mind? You told me all about it, you know that, right? The accident, but he’s recuperating, isn’t he?”

“Yes, of course. But I’m the one who feels like she’s been run over by a freight train. I’ve just discovered that he’s renting a penthouse apartment on Borgo Pio with Babi.”

“Saywhat?” Ele’s eyes bug out. “But maybe you’re making a mistake. How can you be so sure?”

So Gin explains how she’s discovered the whole situation. “So, as you can see, there’s really no room for any confusion here. I’m afraid I’m one hundred percent certain. I wish I could think I was wrong. I really do.”

Ele, too, looks wrecked by this news. She shakes her head, clearly grief-stricken. “Damn. That’s the last thing you needed. I’m really sorry.”

“How do you think I feel? I’m literally destroyed.”

“Okay, but you’ve also told me that they’ve broken up, that you found this album that clearly documents the fact.”

“I understand that, but he never said a word to me. He has a son with another woman, and he never thought to mention that fact to me? Then he starts seeing her again after he swore to me that he’d never speak to her again as long as he lived. And it’s not like he meets up with her over an espresso in a public café…He rents an apartment for her! That’s not asking her out for an espresso. That’s guzzling down all the coffee in Colombia, that asshole!”

Ele starts laughing. “Gin, you’re completely crazy! The things you say! This is a tragedy, and you peel off wisecracks?”

“It’s life itself that I think must not take me seriously. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have played this trick on me. I mean, come on, he gets in a crash, and while I’m miserable, worried that he might be seriously injured, I find out all this…It’s just not right.”

“But you love him?”

“Sure, I love him a lot, but I hate him too. I’d love to punch him in the face.”

“Take advantage of the fact that he has his arm in a sling!”

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