Page 70 of Three Times You

Gin’s head is spinning at this point. What is that phrase supposed to mean? You, but why “you”? Then, practically certain that she will learn the truth in that second album, she picks it up, pulls it closer, and opens it. One after another, she continues, glimpsing photographs of the present day. Step and Babi in a great number of different candid moments, in this apartment, in the kitchen, sitting on the sofa, a series of more or less causal selfies stolen from their life together in the last several months.

Gin’s eyes are welling over with tears, but she goes on turning the pages, and as she does so, she continues sobbing, harder and harder, until she practically dies of the pain of glimpsing them in bed together.

But how could this even be possible?You’re the father of my daughter. You’re Aurora’s father, you’re my husband. You didn’t die a short time ago in that crash, but you sure are dead to me now. Why did you do all this to me at all? Why have you chosen to punish me like this?And she goes on turning the last pages of that album, sobbing, blinded by her tears and her sorrow. Until that last page with the photograph of the three of them together, Babi, Step, and that little boy. And then the words underneath:Remember that your son and I will always love you. Even if we can’t be with you, you’ll be in our hearts every single day.

Your son? That little boy is Step’s son? Gin can’t handle it anymore. She feels as if she’s about to faint. She feels the gorge rise in her throat, and she runs to the bathroom, lifts the lid, and bends over the toilet, screaming and vomiting at the same time.

Chapter 55

Several days have passed. I’ve returned home from the hospital. I’mstill pretty sore, but really, it’s Gin who appears to be doing worse from almost every point of view.

“Do you need anything?” Gin asks. “I’m going out.”

“No, thanks. Is everything okay?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You seem kind of strange,” I say.

“I’m just a little tired. And this accident has really been terribly stressful.”

“I wasn’t trying to make it happen. I did everything I could to avoid it.” I start laughing, doing my best to make that laughter infectious, but it doesn’t work.

“Try and look in on Aurora every now and then. Even if Mara’s here, it’s a good thing if you check in.”

“Yes, of course.”

Then she steps forward and gives me a light, graceful kiss, as if she didn’t want to linger too long, and hurries away.

I’m choosing Gin, and it makes me happy. Even if I miss Babi terribly. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think of her. I see her every time I close my eyes, when I relax, when I’m about to fall asleep, and it’s as if she were trying to occupy my mind, as if by some higher, prior right.

I haven’t approached Gin since. I can’t bring myself to do it. It would almost seem as if I were betraying Babi, but I know that I won’t be able to go on acting like this. I’m going to have to succeed in forgetting her, and in fact, I thought that I had done it, but it’s as if the time that we’ve spent together has made it clear to me, and I have accepted once and for all, that this will never happen.

“By now, you’re all mine,” Babi told me once. “I never confessed this fact to you, but I’m actually a witch.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, I’ve had you three times, and now you’ll never escape my clutches. You’re three times mine.”

“Bewitched by Babi…”

And now, more than ever before, she’s with me. In my silences, in my dreams, in my smiles, in my pain at having lost her again.

Gin is fantastic. She’s sweet, she’s beautiful, she’s adorable, she’s my wife, she’s Aurora’s mother, she’s loving, she’s intelligent, and she’s fun. But…There’s a “but.” But she’s nother.

There’s nothing else to say, there’s no other way to think about it. It would be wonderful to be able to fall in love on command. I’d be happy with Gin. Everything would be perfect.

And this is all killing me. It negates the decision that I just made with such determination to be with Gin. Why am I so helpless in the face of this love for Babi?

***

Gin is waiting, seated all alone in the waiting room, when the assistant arrives.

“Come this way. The doctor will see you now.”

She follows the woman down a hallway and then reaches a door. The assistant opens it, and Gin walks into the office of Dr. Milani, who stands up as he sees her come in.

“Come right in. Please, be seated.” Then he notices that she’s alone. “Didn’t anyone come with you?”

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