Page 66 of Three Times You

Then she seems almost sorry. “Lately, I haven’t been very close to you. I haven’t come to plenty of important events for your work, even the final wrap party for your first program. Can you forgive me?”

I don’t know what to say. I have a knot in my throat.

She continues to smile at me. “I assure you that now I’m going to go back to being the Gin I’ve always been. I’ll stay by your side, stronger than ever, and Aurora will be with us, and I won’t be a scared or incompetent mother. I’ll give it my all. And she’ll give us even more light. She won’t take anything away from us. We’ll be perfect, the way you’ve always wanted.” And for an instant, she seems indecisive to me, as if a thought had run through her mind, but then she turns calm again, once again outwardly certain of everything she’s just said. And I wish I could be every bit as certain as she is.

“Darling, you couldn’t have done anything any differently. Now, just worry about getting some rest so you can get better soon, and then we’ll be able to go home. The most important thing is that Aurora was born, she’s well, and she’s beautiful.” I kiss her delicately. “I’m going home. I’m going to take a shower, and then I’ll bring my things back to sleep here.”

“Oh, no, just stay at home. It all went great. It’s not a problem. I’ll call you if I need anything, but I really hope I won’t have to.”

I insist and eventually I manage to bring her around. Then I leave the room. I go upstairs where Aurora is being cared for. When I get there, there are no parents or relatives rubbernecking in the hallway. I step close to the glass. There’s a nurse checking on the newborns. When she sees me, she recognizes me and very kindly wheels out the little cradle with Aurora in it and brings it closer, almost right up against the glass. I thank her and she walks away.

Aurora is awake. She moves her little hands, and every now and then tries to open her eyes, but she can’t do it yet. Then she makes a series of strange grimaces, as if she is trying to cry or as if something is bothering her, but it’s over in the blink of an eye. She relaxes again and peacefully moves her lips as if suckling. She’s so beautiful.

***

Someone knocks at the door of room 102. “Can I come in?”

“Yes, come in.”

Dr. Flamini enters Gin’s room. “Well, how are you feeling? Everything all right? The baby is wonderful and has no problems of any kind. We did all the possible exams and analyses, not even the faintest hint of jaundice.”

“Yes, I’m happy. Thanks for everything, doctor.”

“But I’m afraid we can’t say the same for the mother.”

Gin smiles at him. “It’s not like it might all have vanished by some strange miracle?”

“Yes, that would be wonderful, but we can’t count on miracles. We have medicines, and we need to make the best use of them that we know how to do. We’re very advanced in our knowledge, and the techniques have become increasingly refined. So I respected your decision and I listened to you, but now we seriously need to get busy treating your lymphoma. You didn’t want me to stress you out and so I told you nothing, but the latest tests and sonogram we did tell us that it’s mid-stage. It’s grown, not as fast as I feared, luckily, but we can’t just treat it with benign neglect. This is the time to attack it, good and hard, with chemo and radiation therapy.

“If you’re in agreement, I’d start the first treatment tomorrow. I’ll have a colleague in charge of it, Dr. Dario Milani. I’m confident that if we get started right away, we’ll be able to beat the cancer in a short time.”

Gin shuts her eyes for a moment and tries to gather her strength. “Yes, but does that mean that I won’t be able to nurse Aurora?”

“No, you wouldn’t be able to. But it’s better to give her formula than wait any longer. I understand the choice you’ve made, but you absolutely should no longer underestimate the danger you’re running. You’re in a very critical situation. You need to do this for Aurora’s sake.”

Slowly, tears start pouring out of Gin’s eyes. The doctor notices and hands her a box of tissues from the counter nearby.

“I know, it isn’t easy, but you need to stay positive. Now, you get some rest. You’re tired. If you need anything, call me.”

Chapter 51

The days that follow are very strange. Gin and the little one are at home. Aurora’s room fills the whole apartment with the sweet scent of a baby. Everywhere you look, there’s something bespeaking the new arrival. Bottle sterilizers, jars of powdered milk, pacifiers of every size and description, baby bottles, a little scale to weigh her food, Gin says that will be important for weaning her, and a bigger scale to monitor her growth.

“Why don’t you give her your own milk?”

“Because I don’t have enough.”

“You looked like you did.”

Gin starts laughing. “Appearances can be deceiving. Aren’t you happy that she sleeps regularly and wakes up at the right time to nurse with a bottle? She’s much more precise, and you’re only giving her the six o’clock bottle!”

“I’d be glad to make a sacrifice for a few more nursing sessions, if you like.”

“No, I don’t trust you. You’re too distractable. You have to be super precise with these things. Leave it to me.”

“You look tired though.”

“Don’t worry, I’m getting used to it. You’ll see, I’ll recover.”

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