Page 64 of Three Times You

I open those shears wide, cut decisively, and for the first time, Aurora is an independent life-form. The doctor hands the baby girl to the nurse, who immediately rinses her under a delicate spray of water, cleaning her all over with rapid movements, before drying her off and dabbing some sort of cream on her eyes. Then another doctor comes over and examines her, marking off something on a sort of report card. When she’s done, she covers the baby up and carries her over to Gin. “Do you want her near you? Hold her there, on your chest.”

And Gin accepts, hesitantly. And then she takes Aurora, gently, slowly, in her hands. She says nothing though and settles the baby girl on her chest. Aurora slowly moves her head, Gin looks at her with fascination, then turns to look at me, as if asking confirmation.So, wait, did we really create this baby, you and I? That can’t be. Isn’t she the most beautiful thing in the world? Isn’t this why we were put here on this earth? And isn’t it for her that we met in the first place?

Aurora moves her head again, and suddenly I’m on the verge of tears. In fact, I realize that my cheeks are drenched. I can’t stop weeping, I can’t do anything, nothing, nothing at all. I’m sobbing, sobbing for joy. If Aurora hadn’t arrived, I’d be somewhere else by now, with Babi, the way I’ve done for all the past few months, while instead I ought to have been by Gin’s side.

And I’m ashamed of myself, ashamed of all my stolen happiness. I feel as if I’ve stolen it from someone else, someone who would have deserved more than I ever did, like that guy Nicola, for instance, or any of the thousands of other men who would have been happy and proud to be here in my place.

“My darling, what’s wrong? Why are you crying like that? Everything’s turned out well. She’s beautiful, she’s your daughter, she’s Aurora. Take her, take her in your arms.”

And I shake my head and continue to weep. I say, “No, no, I can’t.” But then I see that Gin pulls away a little as if she is trying to focus on the scene, as if she is trying to see me better, as if she can’t quite figure it out.

Then I smile at her. I nod my head, and I step close to her. She calms down, a smile appears on her face, and slowly she hands me that delicate little bundle. I take her with both hands, worried that I might drop her, like the most fine and delicate crystal glass ever created, but at the same time, the most precious sweetheart in this world.

And when I hold her close, I see that perfect little face, those eyes shut in sleep, those tiny, thin lips, those tender little hands, so small that they’re minuscule, practically translucent. Aurora. And I imagine her heart, as it pumps the blood that lets her move her tiny legs, the tiny hands that every now and then, as if in slow motion, open and close. That tiny heart that I would never, never ever, in all my life, ever want to cause any pain or suffering.

Chapter 50

When I leave Gin’s room, I’m still in a state of complete shock, and I don’t notice all the people who have arrived. The hallway is full of family and friends.

“Ciao, Stefano. Congratulations! Best wishes! How wonderful! When can we see them?”

Among the people I see are Simona, Gabriella, Angela, Ilaria, and several other of Gin’s girlfriends whose names I can’t remember. And of course, I see Luke, her brother, with his girlfriend, Carolina.

He hugs me. “I’m so happy. How is Gin?”

“She’s fine, she’s fine. If you two want to go in, you can in a little while. Maybe I’ll let her know. She’s recovering. But you can only say a quick hello, and not all of you at the same time. Otherwise she’ll be overwhelmed…And you can say hello to Aurora too.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s gorgeous.”

“But who does she resemble?”

“How am I supposed to know? You tell me who she resembles. I don’t understand a thing anymore!”

Francesca starts laughing. “Leave him be. You’re going to deprive him of oxygen, the lot of you!”

“Yes, help me, I need saving.”

And then Gabriele arrives, bringing me a big cup of coffee in a proper mug, not a plastic demitasse.

“Where did you find this?”

“I bribed the floor manager. I know there’s always a Moka Express pot hidden somewhere.” And he grips my arm, slaps me on the back, smiles at me, and says in a low voice, “I’m a grandfather. Shhh.”

As if everybody didn’t already know. I nod. “Of course.”

Then he starts laughing when he must realize that he’s just not thinking straight. “What a dope I am!” Then he hugs me hard and almost makes me spill my coffee on myself. “This is the one thing I wanted most of all. Thanks, Stefano. You’ve made me so very happy.”

I see Francesca looking at us. She’s followed the whole scene, and she calls out to him. “Gabriele, come over here, leave that poor boy alone. You seem like an overactive toddler.”

He goes over to her, and they embrace, and he plants a kiss on her forehead. Then the two of them start talking in low voices, and after that, I don’t hear them anymore, but I can see them laugh. They’re happy, they’re a pair of young grandparents, they still love each other, and neither of the two of them seems to have so much as the shadow of a doubt, not a hint, much less another person on their minds.

They turn around, they look at me, and they smile. I give them a faint smile back. I don’t even want to think about what would happen if I left Gin for another woman, how they’d look back on this scene. They’d see it in a very different light, how disappointed they would be.

“Wasn’t it enough when Aurora arrived? Couldn’t she have filled his days and his heart?”

“What about me? I’m the one who got them back together! It’s all my fault. Gin didn’t want to hear of it, and instead, one way or another, I convinced her to renew her belief in him. I got everything backwards. My poor daughter. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it.”

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