Page 62 of Three Times You

“Well, it is nice and round, I’ll give you that.”

“Come on, we’re almost there. I went to the doctor’s yesterday to make an appointment for an ultrasound, but from his preliminary examination, he told me that Aurora is doing just fine, and she’s head down, ready to come out. I’m so happy.”

Gin manages to pass her state of mind off as one of complete serenity. In reality, the doctor insisted on examining the progress of her lymphoma, but just as in all her previous visits, she has remained firm in her decision.

“Doctor, please don’t insist. I don’t want to worry any more than I have to. Whatever stage this monster has reached, I’m not going to take action, so why should I just feel worse about it?” Gin had asked.

“Well, your reasoning is impeccable. It’s just that I’m seeing you in this moment of such great beauty and happiness that I wish I could help you to go on in the greatest calm and tranquility.”

Gin sat there, momentarily silent.What if that’s not how it turns out? How would Aurora survive without me? My baby girl hasn’t even come into the world, and I’m already on my way out of it.And a veil of sadness settled over her eyes.

The doctor must have noticed. “Ginevra, you need to remain in your current state of absolute positivity, cheerfulness, and sunniness. You need to keep thinking that everything’s going to turn out fine. Just like you told me. But wait, what are you doing now? First you convince me, and then you change your mind?”

Gin laughed. “You’re right!”

“Oh, there, that’s the way I like to see you.” And the doctor walked her to the door.

***

Gin takes another sip of her soy milk decaf cappuccino and then, suddenly, asks me, “Step, is everything okay?”

I’m knocked back on my heels. “Yes, certainly. Everything’s perfect. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, but sometimes I just get a strange feeling. Lately, you haven’t been around much and when you were there, you seemed different somehow. It’s true that I’m tired all the time. Actually, you men ought to try it sometime, get the feeling of what it means to have a little creature inside you, growing and stretching you out of shape, making you vomit, draining your strength, making you have strange cravings…No, not like that!”

“I know. The last time you made me leave the house at night, it was because you wanted the ‘chill’ of a watermelon. That was something all right! So how is this baby girl going to turn out? Will she have a watermelon birthmark or lots and lots of seeds?”

“Silly. You shouldn’t throw these weaknesses in my face.”

“You’re right.”

Then she throws her arms wide with a smile. “Will you give me a hug?”

She’s obviously yearning for a dose of love, security, and calm. She just wants to be able to take shelter in me, to let go. So I step closer and gently embrace her. She rests her head on my chest, and I see her shut her eyes. I watch as she breathes gently, her respiration slightly moving that lock of dark hair hanging in front of her mouth. Who knows what she’s thinking. I ought to be her happy island, a shelter that can withstand any and all sorts of foul weather. I ought to be her reinforced concrete bunker, solid, capable of protecting her against anything, even an atom bomb. Instead I’m none of all that. I’m just a soul adrift in the stream, steered by a heart that was taken prisoner so many years ago.

Then Gin pulls away from me. “Thanks, I really needed that.” For a moment, she stares up into my eyes, and sees that they’re glistening. Then she smiles at me. “There, that’s the nicest thing about you. You get worked up even about simple ordinary moments like this. Well, I love you.”

Chapter 48

Hello, Babi, have you already left?” Step asks.

“No, I was just getting started.”

“I can’t come. I’m sorry.”

“What happened? Do you have a meeting you forgot about? Or are you going to lunch with another woman?” Babi laughs. “With your lover’s lover! Listen, I warned you. If I catch you, I won’t forgive you…”

“The baby is being born. I have to go be with them in the hospital.”

And suddenly her tone changes. “Ah, forgive me.”

“Why ‘forgive me’? What does that have to do with anything? You couldn’t have known, but it’s not a serious situation…At least, I hope it isn’t.”

And so Babi resumes her cheerful tone. “Of course not! You’re right. What do I know? I just thought I might have said something inappropriate. Go, go, my love. And congratulations. But text me. Let me know that everything’s okay.”

Babi ends the phone call. Unable to control herself, she starts crying. Then she looks at herself in the mirror and feels ridiculous, and so she starts laughing at herself.There, look at yourself, you’re just awful, sobbing like an idiot. How long has it been since you last cried? A lifetime! But instead you ought to be happy for him. These ought to be tears of joy. You don’t actually know how to love. Shouldn’t his interests come first? That’s the way it ought to be.

Now he has a son of his own. Or, actually, he has two children now.

---