Page 53 of Three Times You

“Are you happy?”The question still echoes in my head.Don Andrea was sitting in front of me, eyes shut in silence. He waited for my answer. The more time that went by, the more that silence became burdensome, uncomfortable, agonizing. It was as if it were an embarrassing echo of everything we’d carefully sidestepped, avoided saying entirely. Far away, I heard the sound of some night bird, farther off the cheerful chattering voices of Gin and her parents, Francesca and Gabriele.

Then all at once, Don Andrea’s voice, low and serious but, in its way, lighthearted, had cut through that silence. “Do you understand the question I asked you? It’s not really that hard to answer. I just asked you if you’re happy.” And he opened his eyes and turned to look at me, eyeing me calmly, as if the answer he waited for was the simplest thing in the world. But we sat there in silence, and then, at last, he smiled at me. “Well, if it takes you this long to answer, one way or another, you’ve already answered me. I’m very sorry to hear it.”

“It’s not so simple.”

“I know. It seems like an easy question, but it’s actually very complicated because it entails so many things.”

“I really wish I was.”

He looked at me and started laughing. “Who wouldn’t want to be? There’s a beautiful film on this topic, Gabriele Muccino’sThe Pursuit of Happyness.”

“Yes, I’ve seen it…”

“So have I.”

“The star of the picture, what’s his name, the rapper and actor…”

“Will Smith.”

“Exactly, he manages to find happiness, and you know why? Because, having nothing as he does, he only needs very little. But people who have a lot have a harder time finding happiness. Pirandello said that true happiness is having limited needs. Camus said that you’ll never be happy if you keep trying to find what happiness consists of. I think that every one of us knows what would make him truly happy. It all lies in having the courage to be happy. In other words, to quote Borges, ‘I have committed only one sin in my life. I have been unhappy.’”

And we returned to our previous silence.This parish priest is a very unusual guy. He loves film and great quotes, and I like him.And then, as if he were a longtime friend of mine, and I had to laugh at the mere thought, as if Pollo had been reincarnated in him, I started to talk.

“Gin is a wonderful young woman. She’s beautiful, she’s sunny, she’s fun, she’s sensible, she’s intelligent but she’s not sly, which, if you ask me, is a gigantic plus…”

He nodded as he listened to me. “Yes, you’re right. I know her well.”

“Ah, of course you do. Right. I was forgetting, she chose you to celebrate our wedding.”

“Exactly…”

He smiled at me, so I went on. “And I’m sure she’ll make an excellent mother.”

“I couldn’t agree more. She seemed very happy.”

“And so am I.”

“Oh, good, I’m glad to hear it.”

And then I uttered the words I’d never imagined myself speaking. “But I’m afraid.”

Whereupon Don Andrea laid his hand on my arm and gazed at me fondly. “Fear in a case like this is a noble sentiment. In reality, you’re afraid because you care about her.”

“And her parents and the child we’re going to have. I’m afraid that I’m not going to be up to it.”

“Lots of people who don’t have half the fine qualities you two share have done it.”

Then I told him the truth. “The other day I ran into a woman, by pure chance. I hadn’t seen her in years and years, and I was hoping never to see her again, as long as I lived. Especially because of what I felt for her.”

“And what youstillfeel for her.”

“Yes.”

Don Andrea raised an eyebrow, shut his eyes, and nodded his head. “That puts a different light on things. It’s hard to be happy in that sort of situation.” Then he looked over at Gin, who was laughing with her parents. Her father pulled her close and hugged her, and her mother cried out in concern. We could hear her voice from where we were. “Gabriele! Take care. Don’t overdo things. You’re going to hurt her!”

“Come on, we’re just playing!”

Don Andrea resumed talking without looking at me. “So what do you want to do? Do you want to postpone the wedding until you have matters clear in your mind, or do you want to cancel it entirely?”

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