Page 48 of Three Times You

I spot a dark cloud on her face. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m positive.” She opens her bag and hands me a file folder. “These are the results from today’s examinations. Growth up by ten percent, she’s in magnificent shape.”

“Great, I’m happy to hear it.”

I take a look at those sheets of paper. I read the measurements taken, I look at the photo of that tiny body, and while I’m distracted by the beauty of everything we’re creating, I fail to notice the sadness that’s suddenly pervading Gin.

***

Eleonora answers the phone without even bothering to look at who’s calling.

“Ele, what are you doing?”

“Gin! What a surprise! Nothing, I’ve only just returned home.”

“Do you want to come down?”

“Wait, are you downstairs?”

“Yes.”

“I’m on my way.”

A second later, Ele is stepping out of the front gate. She looks at Gin and studies her in silence, uncertain what to say, what to think. Then she starts to fumble out somewhat pointless words, just to start the conversation. “Well?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t try telling me ‘I was just in the neighborhood’ or I’ll kill you!”

Gin tries to put on a brave smile. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Gin stands there for a second in complete silence and then realizes that she can’t do this. She can’t talk about it.

“Maybe I’ll be a bad mother.”

Ele shakes her head. “Listen, if you aren’t going to be a good mother, the most I could hope to do is take care of a goldfish, and even then, I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t wind up drowning it.”

They embrace, and Gin whispers, “Stay close to me, all right?”

“Always. Even if, sometimes at night, I will still be going out with some guy named Marcantonio.”

Gin pulls away. “Excellent! I’m so happy for you! See if the two of you can make it last this time, though!”

And they go on chatting like that, joking and kidding around. As Gin laughs, she realizes that she’s filled with a bottomless sadness.I can’t even talk to my best friend. I can’t tell her about my problem. I’m not telling her anything, I’m laughing and laughing, but I feel like crying.

Later, Gin drops by to say hello to her mother.

“Hey, what are you doing here? I heard your keys in the lock and thought it might your father coming home early.”

“No, no, it’s me. I’m still allowed to have a set of keys, right? I was fourteen when I got them, but I don’t want to give up my set.”

“Of course, they’re yours, and we’re keeping youforever, baby doll.”

When she hears those words, Gin has to make an effort to keep from bursting into tears, and at that instant, she realizes how fragile she is. So she turns away and invents an excuse. “I need to get something from my room…”She hurries down the hall, vanishing from her mother’s line of sight.

A short while later, having regained her equilibrium, Gin reappears with a smile on her face.

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