Page 59 of Two Chances With You

“No problem. Let’s go upstairs.”

In the elevator, there’s a strange silence. Our eyes meet. We ride without speaking. Pallina smiles. She does it tenderly. I drum my fingers against the metal wall, against the mirror. Fuck, sometimes it just seems like the elevator is never going to reach the floor. Or is it the number of rums I’ve had that slows down that ride? Or something else entirely?

We’ve arrived. I open the door to the apartment, and Pallina slips inside. She looks around, before walking over to the table. “Here they are. I found them!” But she’s in my line of sight, and I can’t see what she has or hasn’t found. Were her keys really on the table, did she really forget them, or was that just an excuse to go upstairs? What on earth are you thinking, Step? Too much rum. The keys were on the table; they must have been there.

“Hey, you even have a terrace.”

“Yes, I guess there is one. You know I’d never noticed it.”

“Oh, come on! You’re always so distracted and careless.”

I open the French doors, and I step outside. There’s a gorgeous moon tonight. Riding high and round, there among the distant buildings, all of them bathed in its pale light. I take a deep breath, and I catch the scent of summer jasmine, the night air of September, distant crickets, and silence all around us.

Pallina comes up behind me. “Here, I brought you another.” She hands me a glass. “To finish the night in glory.”

I take the glass and raise it to my mouth, sniffing it as I do. “Another rum. And it smells like a good one.” Paolo is just surprising me all the time these days. He’s improving. I take a sip. This must be a Pampero. No, a Havana Club, viejo de siete años, at least. “Excellent.”

I go back to looking into the distance. Then the noise of a car vanishes into the night somewhere.

“You know, Step, I have something I should tell you.”

I stand there in silence. I take another sip without turning around.

Pallina continues talking. I hear her behind me, close to my back. “You won’t believe this. Since Pollo died, I haven’t been with any other guys. Can you believe that?”

“Why shouldn’t I believe it?” I still don’t turn around.

“Not even a kiss, I swear to you.”

“Don’t swear. I don’t suspect you of lying.”

“Well, I did tell you one lie.”

I turn around, and I look her in the eyes.

She smiles. “I had the keys, in my jacket.”

A light gust of hot wind in the night softly tosses her dark hair. Pallina, all woman, grown up now. She steps close to me and embraces me. She lays her head on my chest. Kind, sweet-smelling friend. I let her do it.

“You know, Step, I’m so happy that you’re here.”

I hold my arms out wide, unsure what to do now. Then I set the glass down on the sill and gently put my arms around her.

I can feel her smile. “Welcome back. Please, hold me tight.”

I stand there like that, too weak to squeeze her any tighter. I try to apologize. “Listen…”

But it happens in a flash. She lifts her head from my chest and gives me a kiss. She presses against my lips and opens her mouth. Then she tries to move, first to the right and then to the left, searching for the right fit, the right position, the natural progression.

But it’s impossible. I’m motionless. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt her feelings so I stand there, lips closed, certainly cold, for all I know, stonelike.

Pallina slowly relaxes. Then she lowers her head against my chest again and starts weeping. In silence. Small jerks of her head and then shorter and shorter sobs. She holds me tight, not meeting my gaze.

I gently stroke her hair. Then I whisper into her ear. “Pallina…Pallina, don’t do this.”

“No, I never should have done it.”

“But what did you do? Nothing happened. It was nothing. Everything’s all right.”

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