Page 114 of Two Chances With You

“Mamma, you have no idea what you’ve done.”

Chapter 50

I’m sitting in my room. I feel like a thief. And actually, I am one. But I’m just too curious. When I saw them sitting on Gin’s desk, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Three diaries, one for each year.

I start leafing through the first one. She’s written an unbelievable amount, all of it amusing. I wonder who this Francesco is. Or Fra, as she calls him. And then all these little hearts.

She is the way she is. Unique. She has a strength, a drive, a sheer determination…And she laughs and always has a joke handy…

Gin, I’m so sorry for what happened. But the situation with Babi just got out of control. I didn’t know what I was doing; I’d had too much to drink. Sometimes you’re just looking for love but don’t realize that the woman you loved so much has disappeared. Was it you who invented her in the first place? You’re seeking in that kiss the desperate flavor of what you once tasted and experienced so deeply, so intensely but which no longer exists.

But sometimes memories are best left undisturbed. Enough is enough. Gin will understand. She has to understand. If I hadn’t done it, I’d have always lived in hiding. I’d never have come out into the open, coming back into the light of love.

She’ll understand. She has to understand.

I start to read.

Yesterday the most incredible thing of my whole life happened. I was at a party at Roberta Micchi’s house—she’s an older girl, a senior who thinks she’s the bomb. I’d crashed the party with two other friends of mine(Ele and Simo), and we were having the time of our lives when they showed up, the party crashers themselves, the Budokans.

I found out that that’s what they were called while they were throwing the birthday girl’s cake and hit Giò(the goofball who was coming on to Ele) right in the face! What aim. Anyway, I’m completely head over heels for this guy. He knocked into me first thing, as soon as they came in. But he apologized, and to keep from knocking me to the floor, he caught me and held me up, his arms around me. Damn! There we were, our faces a millimeter apart, and that’s when I lost it. Who knows if he realized it. All I know is that his name is Step!

Jesus, are you telling me that at the same party where I first met Babi, Gin was there too? I don’t remember her. And I go on reading as if in a frenzy, crazed, surprised, indignant at having been played. My eyes rush over the lines, back and forth. And there it is.

I saw him! It’s 2:30 in the morning, and I can’t sleep. I was out on the Via Olimpica, and he was there with his friend. Pollo is his name, I think. Step even won a race! I’m just crazy about him, but I can see that he’s constantly kidding around with that high school senior, Babi Gervasi. Gosh darn it, Step, if you wind up dating that girl you lose a lot of points in my book. That girl is a complete dope. In fact, I don’t even know what she was doing there, but then she even rode as a chamomile! Oh, you transform them, Step. You must have some kind of magic touch, and I couldn’t tell you what it is. Hey, magical prince, sooner or later you’re going to have tonotice me too. TRANSFORM ME. Otherwise I’ll have to cast a spell on you. Well, I’m going to Sleepy Town.

I’m speechless, and I read on. I leaf through the pages, and I realize that she never once let her sights waver. She was focused on me the whole time. Page after page. Gin, you wrote it all down. You were always there.

I can’t believe it! But it’s actually true. Ele called me to give me the news. I even went all the way over there to see if it was true. There it is, on that bridge, and it’s beautiful:

YOU AND ME…THREE METERS ABOVE THE SKY!

And there’s more.

His friend Pollo died. I was there in the church. I wished I could put my arms around him. I prayed for him, for his love. But he needs her right now. Not me.

And I continue reading in silence, sorting through those pages and reading fragments of my own life. Seeing them again through her writing, her colorful notes, her underlined sentences.

They broke up! Silvia told me. It’s true! I’m sorry. I know I should never be so overjoyed about someone else’s misfortune. But overjoyed is the only word for it. I want to make you happy myself, Step. I want to make you feel loved. Please, just give me that chance.

I continue through giddily cheerful pages and bits of her life that concern only her. But she’s talking about me again.

I’m a wreck. I’m so miserable. I heard that he’s leaving the country. He’s going away. Damn it, that must have been some crush he had on Babi if he made up his mind to do that. Still, I remember something that my mother always used to say, it’s a really great phrase, “You can change the sky overhead but you can’t change the soul inside.” Will it do him any good to leave? All I know is that I’ll wait for you, Step.

It’s true. Sometimes it does no good to live under a different sky. The things you need to resolve are still there, inside of you, wherever you might go.

I read about Gin befriending Mamma. Mamma had figured it out. She never misses a thing.

What the hell? I got everything mixed up. I arrived at 8:30 in the morning. I didn’t realize you were arriving at 8:30 that evening! I went to the airport and waited for twelve hours, and I still didn’t have the courage to do anything! That is, Step at a certain point turned around, and I had to scramble and hide behind a column, and for all I know, he actually saw me! Jesus, he could tell that someone was watching! He must have eyes in the back of his head. But he’s just too cute. He’s lost weight. He looks older. He is…what he is!

She even came to the airport. And there’s more.

Tonight I’m going to get him, I’m sure of it. I’ve already figured out a perfect plan. I went down into the garage in the afternoon, and I opened the little tube that connects the gas tank to the engine which will mean he’srun out of gas. I overheard at the gym what he was going to be doing, so he only has two options: either he goes to the gas station on the Via Flaminia or else the one on Corso Francia. But when a guy is done at the gym, he wants to take off fast. I think he’ll go to the gas station that’s farther away. He wants to feel the wind in his hair, someone like him who loves motorcycles so much.

I can’t believe what I’m reading. I turn a page.

Yahoooo! I passed the audition at the TdV theater, where he works. I really wasn’t hoping for it to go so well. But the most absurd thing is that Ele passed too! Step, are you bringing me good luck? There’s only one thing I know for sure. From now on I’m going to see him every day. So how are you going to run from me now?

Suddenly I hear a bang. I whip around. Gin is at the door to my room.

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