Page 20 of The Reluctant Billionaire

He inclines his head. ‘Harsh but fair. Anyway, our devious little Aide liked to play mind games with the teachers.’

‘Why?’ I ask.

‘Boredom,’ Gaz and Judy say together.

Gaz shrugs. ‘Right. He was too smart for his own good, he was. The teachers didn’t know how to keep him busy. So he used that magic brain of his for all sorts of nefarious purposes. Anyway, the forks. Aide rounded up a whole gang of us for that one—must have been five or six of us. We got up stupidly early in the summer term and stuck plastic forks into the grass all over the games pitch.

‘They used it for everything, but it would have been a cricket and athletics pitch that term. We got two thousand forks from Poundland, and we stuck all of them into the grass, prongs down, all over the pitch. Mr Hell, that’s the PE teacher, went fucking ballistic. His name was Mr Hail, but we called him Mr Hell because he was such a sadistic twat.’

‘Oh my God,’ I gasp. This is brilliant. ‘AndAidedid this? He seems so serious.’

‘He’s seriously twisted,’ Gaz clarifies. ‘He’s an evil genius. He’d stew over this stuff for hours and hours. You have no idea. Honestly, you don’t want to get on the wrong side of him. This one time’—he stops to guffaw and slap his knee—‘Oh myGod, this one time, the girls’ school across the road put a stop to any socials between us and them because apparently some of the girls complained to the teachers that the boys were a bad influence on them.

‘So Aide made this banner. It was, like, eight feet long. And he hung it across their entrance.’ He’s doubled over, laughing so hard that I can’t help laughing too, even though I have no idea where this story is going. ‘It said.’ He laughs silently, his fist to his mouth. All I can hear is his wheezing. Judy’s watching him with the most affection I’ve seen her show anyone. Sylvie and I exchange an amused glance.

‘Sorry.’ Gaz straightens up and uses his hand to fan his face dramatically. ‘I will prevail. It saidVIRGIN MEGASTOREin massive capital letters. It was fucking. Brilliant. Honestly, I’m glad that guy finally put his brain to good use.’

I can feel my mouth hanging open. ‘Virgin Megastore? Oh my God. They must have been livid.’

‘Fucking ironic, if you ask me,’ Judy says, crossing her arms. ‘Those St Bernadette’s girls were little sluts, every last one of them. Still are.’

I dip my head to my espresso cup so she can’t see how hard I’m trying not to laugh. These two are the ultimate comedic double act. They should be on stage. I’d definitely buy tickets.

Gaz tuts. ‘Judith, Judith. We’ve talked about this. The year is 2023. You cannot slut-shame women in this day and age. It’s calledembracing your sexuality.’

‘Sexuality, my arse,’ Judy says, nonplussed. ‘I’m sure some of them are on the game.’

’As long as they’re their own boss, that’s called entrepreneurship,’ Gaz tells her. ‘You have a lot to learn, my sweetling. Stick with me and Lotta here, and we’ll set you straight.’

‘Call me yoursweetlingagain and I’ll break your arm,’ Judy says. She pushes her glasses up her nose and smiles sweetly at him.

Bloody hell.

I’m totally out of my depth with this lot.

But back to Aide, who’s becoming more of an enigma every second. I can’t believe this shit.

‘So when did someone put the stick up Aide’s arse?’ I wonder out loud.

Sylvie sniggers.

Judy shoots me daggers.

‘He settled down in Upper Sixth,’ Gaz muses. ‘I think A Levels finally kept that brain of his busy. And he got a girlfriend—Mary. Fucking hell, she was hot.’ He shakes out his hand. ‘She kept him distracted, if you know what I mean.’

I have no explanation or justification for the tremor of jealousy that courses through me and makes me shudder.

Mary. Ugh. She sounds wholesome as fuck.

‘Was she from that girl’s school?’ I ask neutrally.

‘Yeah. But she definitely didn’t belong in the Virgin Megastore by the time he finished with her, dirty bastard.’ Gaz rubs his hands together in glee. ‘Fuck, he’s always got the hottest girls. Total stunners. Still does. Lucky bastard. If he wasn’t my best mate, I’d hate his guts.’

‘He’s a looker,’ Judy observes. ‘And he has a huge ding-dong, if I’m not mistaken. I think it’s the girls who are the lucky ones.’

I’m so shocked that I go to inhale and instead manage to choke on some air, resulting in a massive coughing fit. Sylvie gets up to rub my back.

‘You okay, love?’ she asks.

---