Page 81 of Guilty For You

He froze in place and stared at me, like the words weren’t computing inside of his brain. His face relaxed from anger into utter shock and his fists dropped from his sides. “Daughter?” He whispered the words as tears ran down my cheeks. “You have a daughter?”

Shivers wracked my body as he said the words for the first time, and I nodded in response.

“Wow.” He said quietly and looked off over my head where I sat on the couch alone. “Wow.” He repeated, “Okay.” He put his hands back on his hips and squared his shoulders. “Is her father in your life?” He asked and I raised an eyebrow at him in silent surprise. He walked over to the couch and threw himself down into the seat next to me and took my hand in his. “I can deal with this, D. But I just need to make sure you aren’t hung up on your daughter’s father still. I can’t compete with someone that has shared such a momentous life event with you if you love him.”

“I do love him.” I whispered and pain darkened his face when he processed my words. “Because she’s yours, Fox.”

Time froze between us as his face contorted in confusion again and I reached up to push his hair back over his ear. “What?” He whispered and his voice cracked a little.

“I was pregnant when you left me. I found out the day the detectives showed up at my front door and told me that you killed Blaine. I called you right before they showed up and left you a voicemail, asking you to call me back because I had something to talk to you about. But you were already in jail.”

“No.” He trembled. “No.” He shook his head.

I held my breath as he fought to contain his reaction, and I told myself to give him grace and forgiveness for anything mean or off putting that came out of his mouth; given the magnitude of the news.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes darted back and forth between mine, “I wouldn’t have-. I never would have gone away.”

“I didn’t know until you already did it. And by then, you were my brother’s murderer in my head.” My shoulders slumped forward. “What good would it have done for her to have a dad serving a life sentence?”

“I have a daughter?” He agonized. “Wehave a daughter?”

I nodded and gave him a cautious smile, gripping his hand in mine. “When I told you that so much had happened since that day on the cliff, I didn’t mean just on your end.”

“I’m so sorry.” He fell to his knees on the floor and buried his head in my lap as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in tight. “I left you when you needed me. I abandoned you.”

“Shh,” I tried to soothe him as I ran my fingers through his silken hair, “You didn’t know. You would have done the right thing if you knew. But I thought you were a killer.”

“I am a killer.” He countered and looked up at me. “I’m no good.”

“Stop it.” I covered his mouth with my hand as anger filled my entire body. “Don’t you dare fall into that self-loathing pit right now Paxton St. Claire.” I used his full name and his body tensed when I did. “You are honorable and loyal and protective and loving and a girl like Penny couldn’t do any better where her dad is concerned.”

“Penny?”

I sighed and tilted my head sadly. He didn’t even know her name and it felt like JJ robbed so much more from us than just Blaine in that moment. “Penelope June.” I smiled gently at him as a mystified look crossed his face. “She looks just like you. It nearly broke my heart every day to see so much of you in her but deep down I was still madly in love with you, and it brought me so much pride to see the resemblance too.” I chuckled, “It’s been a weird couple of years.”

“How old is she?” He slid down onto his ass and pulled me with him until we both sat on the floor. He held onto me, and I couldn’t tell if he was holding me, or if I was holding him. Probably a bit of both.

“Four.”

“Tell me everything.” He demanded, “I want to know all about her and her life and how her birth went and-.” He swallowed audibly, “I missed all of the important stuff.”

I shook my head and climbed into his lap, forcing him to look me in the eye. “If I could go back with what I know now, I would have told you immediately. I would have brought her to see you and I would have let you experience every milestone along the way. But I can’t, baby.” I swiped angrily at my tears that finally spilled over. “I’m sorry I can’t go back and make it right. But she’s perfect. She’s still too young to truly understand that mommies need daddies to have babies and that there was something missing from her life. She’s so happy and full of joy and smart.” I sighed, “She’s so fucking smart, Fox.” I laid my forehead against his. “You told me once upon a time, that you wanted a wife, a couple of kids, and a house to come home to every night. And you can have that; with us.”

“I love you.” He breathed. “I love you with every fucking thing inside of me, Delilah. And Penny.” His chest fell as emotions took over. “I love her so fucking much and I don’t even know what she looks like.”

I climbed out of his arms, forcing him to let go of me as he tried to hold me tight and grabbed my phone off the table. He opened his arms back up the second I was within reach and pulled me back down into his lap like he couldn’t stand the thought of not touching me.

“Here.” I said and pulled open the folder of pictures I had on my phone of her over the years. “I have thousands of pictures and videos of her life. Every milestone and everything you were robbed of, they’re all right here.” I opened the most recent picture of her and smiled at it before turning my phone around so he could see.

It was a picture of her standing in the bright sunshine next to the side of my car before school one morning. She wore a baby blue tee shirt and a pair of white denim shorts and white sandals with her dark hair tied up in cute little braids. Her smile was megawatt bright, and I could feel her love through the screen. I hoped that Fox’s affection to her was as instant as mine was the first time I laid eyes on her in the delivery room.

“My god.” He croaked and zoomed in on the picture to get close to her face. Her hazel eyes glowed in the sunshine and the smattering of freckles that adorned her nose popped out brightly. “She’s breathtaking, Delilah.” He looked at me and slid his hand against my cheek. “You did this.” He shook my phone gently indicating the little girl on the screen. “You made her and birthed her into this world and raised her without my help. You’re incredible.”

I buried my face in his neck as he clung to me, and I let the dam of emotions I’d locked away over the last few years free into the safety of his arms. In five minutes, he had managed to validate all my hard work and loneliness. He tossed my phone to the couch and held me as I sobbed and sobbed in relief of having him now, but also from the grief I still felt from before.

He ran his big hand over my neck and back, rocking me gently while I forced myself to calm down and feel joy and happiness.

“When is she coming back?” He asked after a while. “I need to meet her, D. But I don’t know how to walk up to her for the first time and not scare the ever-loving shit out of her with my love and affection as a total stranger. Look at me for fucks sake, I’m probably a walking monster in her eyes.”

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