Page 2 of Forever Mine

I grab his hand and move it to my hip. “This. I need your hands on me, Beau. That’s it.”

He doesn’t disappoint. I’m ready, and I’ve been thinking about this for hours before he woke up. Before long, we’re both completely engulfed in a mutual earth-shattering, body-trembling climax. He grunts as he collapses on top of me. We’re both breathing heavily, and he’s holding his weight off me, but I wrap my legs around his waist, trying to pull him to me. I’m completely satisfied, but I’m not ready to let go.

He kisses my cheek. “I need to get up and get ready for work.”

When I don’t answer him, he tries to lift me off, but I stop him by holding my legs around him tighter.

He rears back to look at me with a small smirk on his face. “Nat? I need to get ready.”

There are a thousand things I want to say to him, but I know it’s not the time or the place. I’ll have to do that later. I’m not going to ruin this moment of what will possibly be our last time together, so I unlatch my legs from around him.

He climbs off the bed and walks straight into the bathroom without a second glance my way. “I love you,” I mutter into the empty room.

Chapter2

Natalie

Istare at my phone, my finger hovering over the send button.

I typed out the four words, and this is the hardest text I’ve ever prepared to send. The longer I stare at the words on the phone, the more uneasy I get.

I know I just need to do it. I need to hit send and then deal with the consequences, but I can’t seem to make myself do it. I delete the text and then lay the phone down on the table in front of me.

I push myself away from the table and stand up. I need to think about it some more. At least consider my options. It’s a big decision, and it shouldn’t be made lightly.

I pace the length of the dining room. There are eight chairs surrounding the huge custom-made table. The hutch at the other end of the room is filled with expensive china, and the chandelier is worth more than both my parents make in a year. But it’s all too much, and I’m feeling claustrophobic.

I grab my phone off the table and my sweater off the back of the chair and make my way to the sliding doors that lead to the back yard.

As soon as I walk out into the open air, I take a deep breath and sit down on the chaise lounge. I watch as the lights surrounding the pool dance off the reflection of the water. There’s a light on at the pool house, but other than that, darkness surrounds me.

I think back through the last two years and wonder how I got it so wrong. I grew up with two parents completely in love. We didn’t have much, but our family never lacked love. I always hoped I would find a love like the one my parents have, and I thought I’d found it with Beau. I’m not sure what I did wrong. My stomach knots up just thinking about what I’m about to do.

I lean my head back and look up at the starry sky and get lost in thought. Beau was everything from the first moment I saw him. He would come into the diner I worked at in Jasper, and I knew immediately he was someone special. He came in every day, flirted with me, and left me big tips. I was completely won over by him and looking for him to come in every night. I thought it was innocent enough until he asked me out, and only then did I begin to hope that there could be something between us.

He was always guarded with his heart, but he showered me with gifts, and it was all a little overwhelming. Growing up, there was never any extra money. It never really bothered me until I was in high school. It was then my friends were getting cars when they turned 16 or brand-new dresses for prom or were able to go on fancy vacations while I stayed home in the summer and worked.

I met Beau when I was only 24, and when he spent money on me like it was no big deal, I felt loved. Even though now I realize that’s not what it was. It’s never been about love for Beau. At least on his side. For me, I fell hard and I fell fast. I saw the man behind the money, and even though I told him he didn’t have to spend money on me, he did anyway.

And when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I knew our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I was so in love there’s no way I would have considered saying no. I wanted to be Mrs. Beau Blaze more than anything, and even if sometimes I wondered if he truly loved me, I thought he wouldn’t have asked me if he didn’t. So I told him yes, and we planned out the most beautiful wedding Whiskey Run had ever seen.

And now, only two years later, I know that I was wrong. Does Beau care about me? Yes, he does. Does he love me? No, he doesn’t. At this point, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t need me either. We live completely separate lives, and the only time there is any intimacy between us is at night behind closed doors. And when that happens, I think that things are going to be different. He’s going to let his guard down and open his heart.

But the very next minute, when he refuses to cuddle or even hold me afterwards, I know that nothing has changed.

And I hate myself for it.

I thought it was enough and that I could keep going like we were.

I’ve settled for a marriage with hardly any intimacy, taking what I can get from him. Any amount of time he’ll give me, I’ve taken it. He bought me the gym I own downtown where I teach. He makes sure that I drive a new car. I have new clothes and jewelry and can do whatever I want to. He’s made it that I want for nothing, at least material-wise… but it’s not enough.

Because the truth is, I want more. I deserve more, and I’m not going to settle for anything less. Not anymore.

Everything he gives me is nice, but I can do without all of it because the only thing I truly want he can’t give me.

He has his heart guarded, and after two years of marriage, he hasn’t wavered at all. He’s held me at arm’s length, and no matter how hard I try or how much I want it, I can't get any closer.

I open the messaging app on my phone. It’s ridiculous to text him knowing he’s right inside, but this is the best way to get his attention. I could walk into his home office, but he wouldn’t even lift his head to look at me. He’d be completely focused on the computer screen in front of him, and I’d feel like I’m an intruder in my own home.

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