I kiss her forehead. “You know exactly what I said, but if you’re wanting to act like you didn’t hear me, I can ask you another time.”
She rests her chin on my chest. “I’m just surprised, I guess.”
I stroke my hand through her soft hair. “I want a boy and a girl.”
“So two kids?”
I chuckle. “Honestly, I liked having so many brothers, and if I thought I could convince you that we should have four or six kids, I would.”
She raises up on her elbows. “Four or six?”
I lift my head and shift my pillow to raise my head a little. “Yeah. Definitely an even number.”
She whistles softly and shakes her head. “I don’t know if I could handle four or six boys.”
“Oh no, not all boys. I definitely want us to have a little girl. We need to have the boys first, though, so they can look out for their little sister.”
She laughs and then looks offended. “Any girl of mine is going to be able to take care of herself. She won’t need her brothers or her dad—”
I cut her off as I run my hand through her hair and then down her back. “Oh, sweetie, you have no idea. Of course she’s going to be able to take care of herself, but she won’t have to. She’ll have me and her brothers to protect her. And I already know that we’ll be fighting the boys off if she looks anything like you.”
It’s obvious she likes my comment by the way she smiles at me. “Stop.”
I wrap both arms around her and pull her closer to me. “What? It’s the truth.”
She rolls her eyes and leans her head back on my chest. She’s quiet, and I just lie here, enjoying the feel of her pressed against me. I’ve told myself over and over that I’m not going to fuck this up again, and I know that the last time we talked about kids, it didn’t go well, but I couldn’t stop myself this time.
She is circling her finger around my nipple, stroking through the hair on my chest. “You know, we don’t have to rush into anything. We can wait.”
I open my mouth and then close it again. I can’t see her face, and I need to see it. I want to know what she’s thinking. I push her to her back and lie on top of her. I brush the hair off her face and stroke my finger along her cheek. “Are you saying that for my benefit, or is that what you want? Do you want to wait?”
Her eyes are searching mine, and she shrugs her shoulders into the bed. She tries to look away, and I stop her. “Talk to me.”
The look she gives me is defiant. “Do you want the truth?”
“Of course I do.”
She lifts her chin. “Fine, then, if it was up to me, we would have started having children right away. I would have had your child right after we got married, Beau. I knew when I married you that I wanted to have kids with you. I was all in.”
Her words gut me. I lean my head against her belly and take a deep breath. “I’m a fool.”
She cuts me off by putting her hand on my chin and bringing my face up. She covers my mouth with her hand. “Don’t say that. You’re not a fool. I understand more about you now than I ever did, Beau, and even though it hurts—I won’t lie, it hurts—I understand why you did what you did. I can’t act like I know everything you went through, but I’m here, Beau, and I’m not leaving.”
I grab her hand and take it off my mouth. “I love you, Nat.” I slide up her body and kiss her lips. “It’s you and me now. You are what matters to me.”
She slides her arms around my neck and changes the subject. “So there’s something I need to tell you.”
I lie down next to her and throw a leg and arm over her and pull her so I’m cocooned all around her. “Let’s hear it.”
“Lilian invited me to Ollie’s soccer game Monday night.”
I can’t hold back my yawn. I’m starting to wear down now, but at least tonight I’ll be able to sleep since I’ll have Natalie in my arms. “Okay, sounds good. Or do you not want to go? We can do whatever you want to do.”
Her voice is unsure, and I know it’s because of our past and the way I made her feel. “Do you want me to go?”
I hold her tighter. “Yes, I want you to go. Anywhere and everywhere I go, I want you to be by my side.”
She sighs and smiles. “Okay, we’ll go together then.”