Page 64 of Running on Empty

He dragged my fingers down his chest, the slower, more considered pressure just left red marks behind, but no actual blood welled, not unless I decided to curl my fingers and really dig my nails in.

Hurting him slowly and with intent, conscious of exactly what I was doing.

Tears pricked at my eyes, burning hot ones that felt like they seared my eye sockets as they fell, one then more. When he caught me he dragged me right back to this, to a place where we savaged each other, not knowing what to do with the other person, but not able to move on with someone else. I tried to jerk my hands away, but his grip tightened almost to the point of pain, but not yet tipping over.

“You’re the girl for me. You always fucking were. Feral little girl in a tree that grew into a beautiful woman who was just as wild, if she wasn’t forced to keep it all tamped down every day. You told me to find your alphas for you.” His head tilted to one side, his green gaze softening. “Well, I did, Stevie. We’re right fucking here. We fucked up everything.” He swallowed. “I fucked up everything, but not now. Ronan asked if I got my head out of my arse? I have, beautiful, and I feel like I’m seeing things clearly for the first time.”

His hands loosened their hold on my wrists, letting me go free now, so it was my choice whether or not I listened to him, though it wasn’t really. That’s why I’d ran. I could entertain the fantasy that I could get clear of them, move on and onto something else, but as soon as I stopped, I knew. That my body angled closer to his, that we moved then, in tiny little shifts, closing the gap between us until I felt the shadow of his body swallow mine.

“I’m yours.” He slowly linked my fingers with his, not closing them around me until I did it first. “In any way you’ll have me. I’ll always be yours.”

I silenced him then, the words feeling too big, too intimate, too intense for me to hear, so I did what I could and pressed my mouth to his in a hard, closed mouth kiss. But that wasn’t going to stop him, not now. His mouth hovered over mine as he said the words I needed to hear.

“If you gotta hurt me to feel better, do it. I don’t fucking care what you do to me, just as long as it’s not you that’s hurting anymore. Don’t ache for us, Stevie, make us ache for you.” He tangled his fingers with my other hand, holding both of them out from our bodies as he got closer. “I didn’t know you were waiting for us, even though it seemed obvious.” His arm went around me then, tugging me closer. “And when I did, it broke my fucking heart. You’ve been carrying that heartbreak around the whole fucking time and I had no idea because you’re always so strong. I should’ve known what you were hiding. I should’ve been there for you no matter what. I thought—”

I kissed him much more gently then, but it still didn’t stop him. He caressed my face, staring into my eyes before he continued.

“When I saw you put the bullet in Snake, I knew just how fucking strong you are. We thought you needed protecting, but all you needed was loving.”

I shook my head slowly, and when my tears blurred my view of Jax that was almost a relief, because I wasn’t forced to see it. To know there was an equal and answering ache in him somehow made my own worse, all my bravado stripped away, all the fight going out of me, because in the end I was just this.

A girl, standing in front of a boy, wanting to be loved by him. Wanting to be put first, to be able to take for granted that he would always be there. I tried to stammer that out, my voice breaking, my throat choking until Jax surged forward and held me close, my face buried in his chest.

“You don’t have to tell me all of it now. I’m here, beautiful, right up until the point you don’t want me to be. From now on I’ll listen, I’ll hear what you’re saying, even when you’re not able to articulate it. I’m here, Stevie, I’m here.”

I didn’t cry when I shot Snake. I didn’t even feel the need to. He was a rabid animal and I’d put him down. But I did now. Big ugly hacking things that hurt to come out and all the while I expected Jax to push me away, to shove me aside and tell me to stop, to walk away from the mess I was making.

But he didn’t.

His grip grew tighter, his breath slower and more even as he just waited, listened and held me until I had nothing else to let out.

“Anyone know the way back to the bunker?” I croaked, trying for a smile and failing utterly.

“I’ll get you back there,” he told me, sweeping me up into his arms.

I’d strodeout of the bunker under my own steam, feeling strong, a viable challenger, but right now I didn’t feel any weaker. Vulnerable maybe, but not weaker. Perhaps because for the first time I felt like if I let my guard down or dropped the ball, there maybe, just maybe, might be someone there who’d come to pick it up for me.

The dads and Lois had made themselves scarce when we returned, so Jax carried me down the hallway and into the nest, laying me down on the bed.

“No…” I said when he went to pull away, blinking, but he froze on the spot and then sat down beside me.

“No? This is your safe place, your nest.”

I rolled over then, dragging him down beside me and then hooking my leg over his hip, pinning Jax to the bed.

“You said you’d be my safe place.” I mumbled that into his chest, my words barely discernible, but that’s the only way I could say it. “Be that.”

“It’d be my honour,” he said and my eyes only closed when he rolled into me, pinning me to the bed with his heavy weight, my eyes fluttering closed moments later.

Chapter38

Ash

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ronan snapped as I walked into the command centre. I pulled out my chair and then searched for the flash drive I’d used to download all the intel from Snake’s computer, not bothering to answer my brother, because he knew. He watched me boot up the computer, put in the flash drive, waiting until then to spin my chair around. My jaw clenched for a moment before I looked up at him.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” I shot back. “Going through the intel. Finding our next target—”

“Now?”

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