Page 115 of Running on Empty

“You’re the part of Ronan he can’t keep suppressed for long,” she suggested, watching him closely. “The part that’s calculating, single-minded, determined to do anything it takes to keep Stevie safe.”

“You’re seeing me right, doc,” camehisrumbly response. “And that’s the only reason why we’re still here. She thinks you do good work.”

“And how do you feel about Ronan’s alter, Ash?” Charlie asked.

“I…” Ash wanted to answer and he tried to, but he just stared at Ronan. “I…”

“I, I,” Ronan mimicked with a sharp smile. “C’mon, brother, let it all out.” His arms went wide. “Safe space and everything. Tell me what you really think.”

“That’s what you want?” Ash paced forward. “That’s what you really want?”

“You kept all three of us from the woman we loved for years and tore all our hearts out every day with your controlling bullshit,”heshot back. “So if you think you’ve got something else to top that, give it your best shot.”

I sighed, trailing back to Jax, because the two of them were toe to toe again.

“I think you’re a loose fucking cannon,” Ash told Ronan.

“Brother, you say the nicest things.” Ronan clasped his hands under his chin and fluttered his eyelids.

“I think you’re reckless at best and fucking homicidal at worst.”

Ronan’s grin got wider.

“I worry that one day all the murderous rage is going to be turned against the wrong person,” Ash continued. “That you’re going to hurt an innocent or…”

“Or?” Ronan prompted.

“Or Mum or the dads.”

“That’s not who you’re really worried about,” Ronan growled.

“Or Stevie,” Ash said finally. “What if she does something to piss you off or decides to do something you don’t like? What if she wants space or—?”

“That’s your problem, not mine,” Ronan shot back. “You’re the one that’s most likely to storm off on her if she’s not fitting your idea of what your mate should be, but me?” He reached up then, grabbing his brother by the back of his shirt as Ash stiffened. “I’m gonna be the one that drags you back and shoves you down on your knees before her, forcing you to beg for her forgiveness.”

“Is that what you think of me?” Ash asked.

“Is that what you think of me?” Ronan echoed, his tone softening as the green leached from his eyes. “I never hurt Stevie, ever, apart from when I followed your orders. Never again, you know that now, and that’s what’s got you so antsy. You can’t control her, me, this, any of it, but you don’t need to. Stop worrying about everything else and worry about you. How areyougoing to step up and be the mate Stevie needs.”

The silence in the room felt like it was a living thing, filled with static electricity. I could hear the rapid thud of my heartbeat and as Jax pulled me close, I felt his pulse beat just as fast. We watched, waited until the two of them turned around to face us.

“I need…” Watching Ash stumble over his words was somehow frightening and liberating all at the same time. “I need for everyone to be safe, to be OK, otherwise I’ll…” His hands formed fists, then relaxed again. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“You can’t control us,” I told him and it seemed like I was watching the man collapse before us. “Not unless we let you and we won’t, most of the time.” He nodded slowly then. “You think if you can get everything just right, the anxiety inside you will ease, but even when we’re doing exactly what you want, your mind is finding something else to worry about, isn’t it?”

He sank down then, putting his head in his hands, his eyes closing right before he nodded.

“So maybe it's time to look for other ways to deal with a real problem, Ash.” I walked over to stand before him. “Stop pushing us away to keep us safe and…” I smoothed my fingers through his hair and he looked up blindly, following the direction of the caress. “Start being the family you say we are.”

When he took my hand in his and pressed his lips to it, I felt like we were having a moment. A real one, a glorious one that eased me as much as it did him. He nodded slowly, but when he stared up at me, he looked impossibly tired.

“I guess we’re extending our stay again,” he told the room. “Charlie, can I book in some solo sessions? I assume you can teach me some strategies to deal with anxiety?”

“Of course, Ash,” she said in that same rich, soft tone. “Whatever you need.”

Chapter66

We got back to our lives eventually. I half expected to be met by police the moment we got off the plane, but apparently between the new Spencer pack and the Lockwoods, everything had been smoothed over.

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