Page 50 of Dragon Fight

“People lying to you, using you.” With each description of those sins he took a step forward. “Trying to take advantage of your good nature, of your heart.” My body tensed again, facing that same choice, fight or flee, but what would I fight? And how far did I have to run to get away from Soren’s words? “Of noticing how deeply you care for those around you and seeing that as a weakness to exploit.” He stopped and shook his head. “It’s not, Pippin, that I can tell you. There’s nothing braver than to give your heart to another. You give a part of yourself away knowing you’ll never get it back, even if the relationship goes sour. Especially then.”

“Is this when you tell me about your previous love affairs?” I snapped, hating myself as I did so. This wasn’t worthy of me or him, but the terrible words just seemed to come out anyway. “Other men or women I’ll need to accommodate?”

“No.” It was a simple answer, but it had me dropping my combative stance and sighing in response. He stepped right up to me then and grabbed my hands, only pulling me closer when I didn’t resist. “There’s never been—and will never be—anyone but you for me, Pippin.”

The way he cradled my body against his, the way he held me, tugged at my already sore heart until finally I let out a long breath collapsing against his chest. My men kept telling me how strong I was, but I felt like a weak, needy little girl, with tears in my eyes as I clung to this man, far bigger and tougher than me. But I felt something ease in me the minute his arms went around me.

“And there won’t be for the commander either. You know that, don’t you? The two of them can’t pursue anything, as it is, but even if Draven was free and clear. Brom married you. He choseyourather than the prince. He did the moment he put his hat in the ring, making clear he intended to court you. Brom set aside the relationship of the past knowing nothing could come of it and he chased…” I shivered as I felt Soren’s hand stroke down my spine. “He chased after the future he wanted, not the past he had.”

For a moment I simply clung to Soren, pressing my face into the hard plain of his chest and breathing him in, that salty, musky scent filling my lungs and helping me settle. But as the anger, the tension leached out of me, pain rushed back in. And Soren seemed to know. His grip grew softer, more tender, like he’d hold me like this until the ache stopped and then a little more.

Without raising my head, because silent tears were falling from my eyes, I dragged my hands up his back and dug my fingers into his shoulders, needing to secure myself to him. Somehow the breadth of them, the sheer solidity of his body emboldened me. It was like he was a rock, my rock, and by holding onto him when I was hurting, I was recognising that he’d be there, a point of certainty in all of the mess of my emotions. But he didn’t realise how terrifying that was. I was letting myself need someone else’s strength in a way I hadn’t since…

Father had seemed like such a huge force in my life. He was so tall, so strong and decisive, that the whole little world of our estate had hung on his every word. I hadn’t expected him to die, ever, despite knowing full well he would. It just hadn’t seemed possible for a man like him to do something so ordinary. And here I was, as vulnerable as a little girl again, but this time one who was trying to play with the big boys, and not very successfully.

“It’s alright, lass. It’ll all be alright in the end.”

But how could Soren make promises like that? How could anyone? I felt like the whole world was blind to the vagaries, the fragilities of such relationships. Everyone but me. Brom’s revelation hadn’t really been unexpected. As soon as Ada had said her piece, I’d known. Deep down I’d known. That what the five of us were creating was exponentially more fragile than my own parents’ relationship. With more people came more points of misunderstanding, jealousy, frustration, irritation, boredom… Gods, what would happen with the four of them when they were sick of me—?

They are your mates.

Glimmer’s voice contained all of the usual autocratic confidence it normally did and then some.

But—

They are your mates, she insisted.In every version of events I’ve seen, in every possible future, they are by your side and they have fought their way to be there. If Obsidian’s bondmate needs to prove his worth to you, let him. His dragon is already suggesting some possible tactics. Obsidian seems preoccupied with flowers and chocolates, though I’m not sure that’s right. You have a field full of flowers right here and chocolate isn’t something I’ve noticed you thinking about often. I was thinking a new saddle for when I am grown, or something gold.

At the suddenly greedy cast to Glimmer’s voice, I couldn’t help but laugh, although it came out as a hiccup. The reassurance of Glimmer’s words and Soren’s presence combined to comfort me more, and my tears slowed.

Yes. A pendant with a powerful dragonstone mounted in gold. That would be a very fitting gift. You could go to his bed then knowing your worth with such a token.

My mouth twisted into a smile, despite myself, and I lifted my head to wipe away my tears, but Soren stopped me. He slid his thumbs gently over my closed lids and then cradled my jaw in his hands as he stared down at me.

“We’ll do anything to make you happy. You know that, don’t you? You mean everything to each one of us—”

“And that’s the problem.” I smiled to soften the words, but more tears formed, though I didn’t even know why at this point. “I…” My throat seized on the next word, so I forged ahead with another. “I care for all of you,sodeeply.”

“Gods, you don’t know how glad I am to hear that.” Soren’s voice was gruff with emotion now.

“Then I need to do a much better job of being your partner then,” I said with a shake of my head before leaning back into him and hugging him hard. I continued, tipping my head back to look at him. “But that’s the thing. If Brom cares for Draven just as much…”

“You won’t want to deny him that.”

Soren knew that, as well. He’d just been waiting for me to have the same realisation, and I envied that kind of self-control. I looked up at him with gratitude and just a little awe.

“I can’t,” I said, studying his face. “And that’s how this relationship works, isn’t it? When you care for another’s needs just as much as your own—”

“That’s when you know it's not just lust, but love.” He nodded and smoothed his hand across my scalp.

The feeling was soothing and I leaned back into his touch a little, while rubbing my hands over my eyes, as if that would help me work things out any more easily.

“So all I need to do is find a way to share my husband with the man he’s in love with, who just happens to despise me.”

“Share the husband who loves you with the man who probably doesn’t deserve a minute of your time or Brom’s,” Soren corrected, pulling my hands away and treating me to the sight of him smiling down at me. “But I suspect you’ll give it to him, both of you. But right now? You’re not with Brom or the bloody queen or even the blasted prince. We won’t get many times like this one, so let's enjoy it while we can.”

33

"By the gods, this stuff is vile!” I said.

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