Page 182 of The Stolen Moments Trilogy

I take a big gulp of my wine and it burns down my throat, adding to my misery. “I regret it, you know? Even then, I chose you. I chose your health, your family, and Carter’s happiness. What for? All it did was cost me valuable years I could’ve spent with my dad. I spent years feeling fucking miserable and missing Carter, missing my Dad, missing everything I left behind. I convinced myself I did the right thing, but I didn’t. I didn’t owe you shit. I didn’t have to do that for you, and I regret it. I regret it so much. I regret not choosing my own happiness, and I hate you for taking so many years from me.”

I burst into tears all over again and hide my face against my knees. “I hate you so much,” I whisper. “I’ll hate you until the day I die, Kate. I’ll never ever forgive you.”

Kate sighs and strokes my hair gently. “I know, Emilia,” she whispers. “I know.”

Chapter 53

Emilia

Carter stands by the door as I roll my suitcase through the hallway. Dad sighs and looks at me with heartbreak in his eyes. I smile at him as reassuringly as I can. “Just a few days,” I murmur. “I just need a few days.”

Dad brushes my hair out of my face and nods in understanding, his gaze moving from Carter to me. He hasn’t asked me anything about us, but it’s obvious something is wrong. We’ve barely spoken, and though Carter has apologized countless times, none of it makes a difference. A hundred apologies won’t make me feel less betrayed, it won’t unbreak my heart.

His eyes shutter closed in resignation when I walk past him. Graham nods at me and lifts my suitcase into Dad’s old car for me. My heart feels heavy as I drive away.

The roads are so familiar, yet so many years have passed. For a little while I found the intense happiness that I thought was long lost. It almost feels like Carter and I are jinxed. Like we aren’t meant to be together. Every time we find our way back to each other, life tears us apart somehow.

I park in front of my old house and look up at it. It feels both familiar and foreign at once. I haven’t spent a single night here since coming back. I walk up to the door and unlock it, my hand trembling. I close the door behind me and sink to the floor, resting my back against the front door. I pull my knees up and drop my forehead to my knees, my arms wrapped around myself.

I inhale deeply, but my breath is shaky. I can’t help but wonder how Carter could’ve possibly kept something this big from me. How could he have known and never told me? It makes me wonder what else he’s keeping from me. I can understand white lies, but something like this?

I swallow hard and pick myself up from the floor. I walk up the stairs slowly, nostalgia hitting me right in the chest. Fresh tears roll down my cheeks when I open my bedroom door. I stand in the doorway and stare straight into Carter’s bedroom. How often have we stood by our windows, communicating through them? How often have I stood where I thought I was out of view, just watching him?

I sigh and walk to my bed. I sink down on top of it, my mind replaying the memories I’ve made here. How often have I sat in my bedroom despising my dad, when he must have given up so much for me. I’m not even his real daughter, yet he never once made me feel like I might not be. I bet it would’ve been much easier for him to move on with his life had I not been there to chain him to the past. Despite that, he chose me. He cared for me and gave me everything I could’ve ever needed.

I bite down on my lip and sniff, not wanting to cry all over again. I squeeze my eyes closed and inhale deeply. It feels like I lost everything, when I know I haven’t. Carter’s betrayal, finding out I’m not Dad’s real daughter, breaking up with Sam. My entire life feels like it’s in disarray.

When I came here, I knew exactly who I was, where I was going in life. I was going to continue building my career slowly but surely, until I made partner at the firm I was at. I was going to keep dating Sam, until eventually we’d take the next step. My life was so carefully planned out, and it was everything I thought I needed. But in hindsight, none of it made me happy.

Since coming here I’ve rediscovered myself, my happiness, only to be reminded that intense happiness also puts me at risk of intense pain. In London, at least my heart was always guarded. I sigh and lie down on my bed, my eyes shuttering closed.

I miss him. I’m mad at him, but I miss him nonetheless. I miss his arms, and the way his lips feel against mine. I squeeze my pillow tightly, wishing it was Carter instead.

I’m startled out of my thoughts when the doorbell rings. I sit up in surprise and make my way down the stairs, surprised to find a Tupperware box with what looks like dinner in it on my front steps. I pick it up, my eyes darting to the house next door. I can just about see the Clarkes’ front door close, Kate’s hair betraying her. I pick the food up carefully and stare at the note in surprise.

I’m not sure what made you come here or what might be going on, but please have some food. An empty stomach won’t make you feel better. Please take care of yourself.

PS. The food isn’t poisoned

PPS. There’s wine and chocolate cookies for you in the treehouse

PPPS. I promise I wasn’t stalking you, but I saw you from Carter’s bedroom window and you looked a little sad. I won’t bother you. I hope you feel better soon.

The edges of my lips tug up and I stare at the door Kate just disappeared through. I hate to admit that I’m a little touched. I’m not sure what the last couple of years have looked like for Kate, but she seems to have changed. I hope it isn’t just a mirage.

I glance back at my house and then I slip on my shoes and grab some cutlery before making my way to the treehouse, my food in hand. As she said, there are indeed chocolate cookies waiting for me, along with a bottle of wine.

I lift one of the cookies to my lips, my heart twisting painfully. Kate likes lemon-flavored things, while Carter prefers rich flavors. I’m the only one that likes chocolate. Helen doesn’t even like chocolate, so why am I holding freshly made cookies?

I sit down on the windowsill, my dinner in my lap and the heater on. I have an entire house to myself, yet I still feel more at home here. My heart aches as I open the Tupperware box to find my favorite pasta in it. Did Helen make this, or was it Kate? Either way, I don’t understand why. Why would they do this? Is this a way to make amends?

I take a bite, and another tear rolls down my cheek. My heart breaks for everything I’ve missed out on in the last couple of years. For everything dad is going through right now. I’ve been so strong for so long, but right now in this moment, it’s too much. I can’t hold on.

I burst into tears with my food in hand, feeling overwhelmed and lost, unsure where I stand with the people I love most, unsure if I even want to stay or go back to the life I so carefully built. Either way, it seems I stand to lose something.

Chapter 54

Emilia

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