Page 161 of The Stolen Moments Trilogy

I inhale deeply and nod. “It’s complicated,” I say, wanting to keep as much to myself as possible.

Kate looks shocked and confused, and for a second I think I see devastation in her expression. I look away and focus on the road, my heart twisting painfully. If Kate hadn’t done what she did, would Emilia and I be together now? I keep telling myself that we don’t know if we would’ve made it, and that we were so young… but I believe with every fiber of my being that Emilia would still be mine, if Kate hadn’t taken her from me. It would’ve been me she’d wake up to every day. She’d be my wife by now.

“Is it serious?” she asks, her voice trembling.

I nod and bite down on my lip. “They’re moving in together once they go back.”

Kate looks pale, as though the news hurts her as much as it does me, and for a second I worry that she might try and ruin this for Emilia too.

“I… I’d been meaning to apologize to her. I mean, it must’ve been quite obvious that I took the job offer in London because that’s where Emilia is, but I just couldn’t do it. I could never find the courage. I don’t know how to face her.”

I shake my head. “Then don’t. She has a lot on her mind right now. Her father is sick, Kate. Now is not the time to remind her of the past.” Kate nods, but I worry that she won’t listen to me. “Promise me, Kate.”

She nods again. “I promise, Carter,” she whispers, and I breathe a little easier. It’s fucked up that my sister’s promises don’t mean much to me, but it’s nice to hear her say it anyway.

“Is she really dating someone else?”

I grit my teeth and tighten my grip on my steering wheel.

“Yeah, she is. She’s happy with him.”

Kate shakes her head. “That’s not possible,” she says, her eyes flashing.

I inhale deeply and stare at the road, wishing I’d just asked Graham to pick her up instead. “I don’t want to talk about it, Kate.”

Kate nods and I exhale in relief when she shuts up for the rest of the journey. The upcoming holidays are going to be unbearable. I can’t tell what’s worse, having Emilia here and knowing she isn’t mine, or not having her here at all. Everything is a fucking mess, and I can’t do a thing about it.

My head is hurting by the time I pull up to my parents’ house, and it starts to pound when Kate speaks again. “I’m sorry, Carter. I know asking you for forgiveness is too little too late. I know that. But if I can’t say it to her, I’d like to say to you at least. If not for me, Emilia would now be my sister-in-law. We’d all be spending a couple of amazing days together, and she’d be in the kitchen with Mom, cooking up a storm the way she’s always loved doing. Because of me, you lost the love of your life. Because of me, you now have to see her with someone else. Nothing I could ever do will make up for that, but I need you to know how sorry I am. if I could turn back time, I’d take it all back. It was so easy to forget that anything even happened after I got better, to just move on with life… but I know it wasn’t easy for you. If anything, I’m pretty sure every day without her was just harder on you. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me, but I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you’re proud of the person I am now, even if you can never forgive the person I used to be.”

I drop my head to my steering wheel and inhale deeply. “Kate, please… just go, okay? Just get into the house. I can’t do this. I can’t.”

I know she means well, but I can’t tell her what she needs to hear. I can’t tell her that it’s okay, and that I forgive her. Because I don’t. I don’t think I ever will.

Chapter 35

Emilia

I’m anxious as I get dressed. Things between Sam and me haven’t been the same in a while now, and I feel terrible, because I know it’s my fault. I’ve been pulling away from him when he hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t know how to fix it, and I’m filled with guilt over him flying all the way here to be here with me. I’m torn between the obligation I feel to be with him and what my heart wants, what my soul needs.

Since the night Carter came home drunk, I just haven’t been myself. I’ve avoided him ever since, unable to look at him and know he truly isn’t mine anymore. My heart feels broken and I feel like I’m mourning our relationship all over again. I thought I was over him, and I thought I was happy with Sam. Until that night. It wasn’t until Carter made it clear that I truly lost him that I realized how much I still care about him. Until then part of me had been taking him for granted. Until then, I thought I’d always own part of his heart.

Sam kisses my shoulder as I finish putting on my make-up, and I try my best to smile at him. Maybe a day away is exactly what we need. I feel bad about not spending Thanksgiving with Dad, even though I’m finally home for it after so many years, but I just can’t face Carter. I’m terrified he’ll invite Layla, and I can’t do it.

Sam seems excited as we walk down the stairs, but my heart twists painfully when I see Dad standing at the bottom of the stairs, a hopeless expression on his face. He’s been asking me to spend Thanksgiving with him and the Clarkes for weeks now, but I just don’t think I have it in me. I offered for us to spend Thanksgiving together, just the three of us, but Dad wouldn’t have that.

“Emilia,” he says, and my heart aches. He looks so sad, and I hate that I did this. “Princess, are you sure you won’t spend Thanksgiving with me?” he asks, his voice soft. He turns to Sam, and the expression on his face guts me. “Sam? Won’t you talk to her? Please… it’s been years since I’ve had my daughter here. I just want one Thanksgiving like the ones we used to have.”

Sam is caving, I can just see it. He looks at me, distressed. “Darling, maybe we should,” he whispers. He pulls me away from Dad and I sigh. “Would it really be so bad? It looks like it’d mean the world to your dad. I don’t understand why you’re still mad at your neighbors. It’s been years. If you and Carter are on good terms, then what is the problem? Surely you can act civil for an evening?”

I bite down on my lip and shake my head, and anger flashes through his eyes. He’s been tense since he found Carter and me standing in the living room, all those nights ago. He’s been acting irrational and jealous, controlling even. Nothing I do or say appeases him, especially when it comes to Carter or his family.

“What does it matter, Emilia? You’re with me now. We’re happy. Whatever happened is in the past. Or do you still care so much about the way things ended between you and Carter that you can’t even spend an afternoon at his old house? Do you really still blame them for standing between you two? Or maybe you’re not over him at all. That would explain why you won’t let me touch you.”

I grit my teeth and glare at him. Every argument we have keeps circling back to this. He’s insecure about Carter and mad that I won’t sleep with him. It doesn’t matter how much I avoid Carter, Sam just won’t see reason. I told him exactly why I’m still hurt. I told him about everything Kate said and did, and the way Helen sided with her. He knows Kate will be there. He knows the pain they caused me had nothing to do with Carter, and everything to do with the love and trust I thought I shared with them. Yet he still acts like that’s all an excuse, like it’s Carter I’m upset about.

“Let’s go,” he says. “If you’re over him, then let’s just go. It’d make your Dad happy anyway.”

I want to tell him no, but I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of arguing with him, and truthfully, I’m just tired of being angry altogether. Maybe this is exactly what I need. Maybe I just need to face Kate and Helen. Holding onto this resentment is killing me on the inside. And maybe, just maybe, seeing Carter happy with someone else is what I need to truly let him go.

---