Page 51 of Until You

I can’t even explain why it saddens me so much, but it does. It feels like Ash instantly became just as out of reach as Gray is.

I need to tell him, and I know that once I do, he’ll stop treating me the way he does. He might even pull away altogether out of embarrassment and horror.

I sniff and try my hardest to pull myself together. I’m being ridiculous and selfish. Gray asked for my help, yet here I am, thinking about myself.

I open up his files when they come in, reading through everything carefully, forcing myself to focus on nothing but the information in front of me. My hands are shaking as I reach out to the few connections that I know can help with this. All we need is a small lead, which we might be able to find if we search databases using the data Gray already has as filters. If nothing else, it’ll give us a list we can further refine.

I close my laptop the second I’ve sent out all my requests, as though that makes anything even remotely better. It doesn’t undo what I just found out, and it won’t prevent what’s coming.

I need to tell Gray. I can’t mislead him.

I’m trembling as I walk back to his room, my heart beating in my throat. I’m scared of his response. I’m scared whatever is left of my heart will be torn to shreds.

I pause in front of his door. Just thirty minutes ago I was standing here because I wanted to make him feel better, because it’s what my heart begged me to do. Now I’m standing here, knowing things will never be the same again.

I knock on his door, my heart heavy. When he calls for me to come in, dread overcomes me. I walk into his room, stopping in my tracks when I realize he’s in bed, his bedroom pitch dark.

“Ari,” he says, his voice filled with an ache I didn’t think him capable of. Grayson is the strongest person I know. He’s without a doubt the most powerful man I know.

I walk up to his bed, pausing right next to him. He sits up, the sheets falling to his waist, exposing his bare chest. He reaches for me, and I stumble, falling into his arms. Before I even realize what he’s doing, he’s got me on my back in his bed, his body on top of mine.

He hides his face against my neck, his weight pressing onto me. “Just a couple of moments, Ari. Please,” he whispers, and a delicious thrill runs down my spine.

I wrap my arms around him and let my eyes fall closed. “In the last couple of months you’ve been my solace, Gray. Now let me be yours.”

He presses a lingering kiss against my neck, and I exhale shakily. “You are, babe,” he whispers. “You are.”

37

Aria

I wake up in Gray’s arms, our legs tangled together, my head on his chest. I blink, last night coming back to me. My heart constricts painfully, and I turn in Gray’s arms to look at him.

He’s still fast asleep, his arms wrapped around me. His lashes flutter ever so slightly, as though he might be dreaming. I’m scared to move, scared that I might wake him. I want to stay the way we are, just a little longer. Moments like these are mine to keep.

I carefully place my hand on his bare chest, wanting to be closer to him than I already am. I can’t imagine how bad his heart is aching, how much further it’ll break when I tell him what I must.

He’s been taking such good care of me. Every single night he checks all the locks with me, and he’s taken to putting me to bed, just because he worries about my nightmares.

He’s lying right here with me, yet it feels like I’ve already lost him. I didn’t even realize how much he’s come to mean to me. When did this happen? When did I stop thinking about Brad? When did Gray start to occupy my thoughts?

It isn’t just Gray, either. Ash means more to me than I dare admit. The playfulness between us… it made me feel like a normal person. To Ash I was someone amazing, the founder of a platform he loves, a mysterious woman. I can’t ever live up to the image Gray must have of Nyx.

Being Nyx allows me to be everything I’m not in real life. I get to be strong, fearless, mysterious, and even, admittedly, intelligent. That’s not an image I can uphold in front of Gray, who’s seen me get cheated on and struggling to find an entry-level job.

My heart twists painfully as I imagine the disappointment I’ll find in his eyes when I tell him the truth, but it doesn’t compare to the pain I feel at the thought of losing both Ash and Gray.

He tenses underneath me, and his grip on me tightens. “Aria,” he whispers, still half asleep. He pulls me closer, and my heart skips a beat. There’s something so sexy about him whispering my name like that.

His hands run over my body, one hand settling on my ass while the other wraps around my thigh. He pulls me closer, shifting me on top of him so that my leg is hooked around his hip.

I suppress a moan when I feel how hard he is underneath me. He pushes his hips up slightly, moving against me in the best way, and a small whimper escapes my lips.

I try to pull away so I can slip out of his bed, but his grip on me tightens. He tenses, his lashes fluttering. “Don’t go, babe,” he murmurs, his voice groggy. “Let me hold you, just like this.”

I relax into his arms even as my heart rate skyrockets. He must still be half asleep, but I don’t care. I’m knowingly fooling myself, but I don’t care. All I care about is that Graywantsme in his arms, and while I still can, I’m going to relish in this moment.

I hook my leg up higher, wanting him even closer, and he moans. He grabs my waist and turns us both over. I swallow hard when his eyes find mine. I expected to find grogginess, and maybe even confusion, but what I’m seeing is pure lust.

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