Page 20 of Psycho Therapist

“What do you mean, cut it down?” I ask Mark, lifting the light beer from his hand and holding it up, signaling the question as to how much he’s had to drink for even suggesting it.

“I don't mean like right this minute,” he chuckles, “Just…soon.”

For me, every time I see the pepper tree out back of Lori’s old place, I can't help but relive every magical second that led up to us being together the way I knew we're supposed to be. For Mark though… I dunno. He never let go of the idea that his wife saw exactly what Lori saw that night. Maybe that’s fair enough but his sudden comment of cutting it down wounds me until I have the solution.

“…Or I could just take it home to our place,” I remark, eying it off again in the afternoon sun, forcing myself to look away once I hear Lori inside, laughing with her mom. Feeling my need for her all over again.

Not wanting to make a spectacle of myself, I fight hard to focus on the tree idea instead. But Mark thinks I'm just goofing around. After all these years he should know better by now. I don't mess around. Especially about something as special as the tree. Our tree.

“I’m serious, Mark. Just don't do anything, okay? I’ll get someone out to go over it all and work out the best way to get it home-”

“Lee? You can't just lift a tree like that outta the ground and stick it somewhere else… Can ya?” Mark asks. Already unsure once he sees my steel eyes of determination. If I could I’d pluck the damned thing out and carry it home myself, but it is a big tree, even bigger than me.

The screen door slams, and Mark and I look over in time to see Lori grimacing as she comes out. Our daughter Lee-ann in her arms who starts to squawk once the bang woke her.

“I’ll take her.” I kiss Lori on the cheek and lifting my baby up so I can look at her, all I see is perfection. “She’s just like her mom…” I murmur, pecking her tiny soft cheeks before cradling her tiny body in the crease of my elbow. Lori’s always joking about how many babies I could hold easily and every time I tell her that we could never have enough of these little miracles, so bring it on.

“Lee wants to take the pepper tree…” Mark tells Lori, shrugging and shaking his head still. Busying himself with the hot dogs he has roasting. I signal with my chin for Lori to walk with me. We go under the shade of the tree, which is well over thirty feet and I run it by her.

“…I- Think that’s the best idea in the whole world,” Lori says and I'm not sure if she's just winding me up or if she really means it. She’s been acting a little weird lately, but I’m rock solid on my tree plan.

“It is a good idea-” Lori assures me, clutching my arm in a way that lets me know she'd rather talk about something else. Holding Little Lee-ann in my arms and having Lori so close, right under the very tree where it all started. She can talk about anything she wants.

“Lee, I-” She starts to say, but her mom calls her from the house. “Phone call. It’s Becky… Will you just talk to her for five minutes?” Stacy hollers, muttering something to herself before going back inside.

“I- I’ll tell you later…” Lori murmurs, but I know the look. I know her moods lately. And I certainly know what her insides feel like.

“Uhh… You can tell me right this minute, young lady,” I tell her with mock authority, squeezing her hand as she crimps her mouth. Looking up at me with tears in her eyes.

“Again?” I ask, hearing my words catch in my throat when she bobs her head.

“Oh, Lori…” I whisper, hugging her as hard as I dare holding Lee-ann.

“This is our tree now,” I explain, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. “The tree we first met under… The tree we got married under and now this…”

Lori sniffs and holds me tighter. “We’re not taking it today though, right?” She asks. Reminding me that she is her father’s daughter after all.

“Not today,” I promise her, taking her by the hand and leading her inside. Leaving it up to Lori if she wants to break the news to everyone else. But she keeps it to herself for now. Between us.

“You looking up a tree guy already?” Mark teases me once he brings in the cooked food.

“Pool.” I remark without lifting my eyes from my phone’s screen.

“Oh, so you're gonna have another pool now?” Mark jibes, but I shake my head.

“Nah. You're just gonna need something to fill the big hole me taking our tree is gonna leave.”

And that’s what it’ll be for us and our kids too. It’ll be our tree. But as soon as the seed of the idea is planted in my mind, I can't help thinking that this tree of ours is gonna be the best and most permanent reminder of what started it all. The greatest night of my life. The night I first saw her.

“And what about the hole you're gonna have to dig to plant it?” Mark retorts dryly.

My look tells him everything. I’d get down on my knees and scratch the earth with my hands until the hole was big enough if it made Lori happy. And I know it will.

She shrieks from the kitchen suddenly and I’m there in two steps. But it’s a false alarm.

Just two girls yakking on the phone. Kinda-sorta friends but closer than ever now they're both moms.

I mouth ‘I love you’ to Lori, still feeling the ripple in my chest when she replies the same, blowing me a little kiss I feel on my face.

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