Page 17 of Sin City

He presses his forehead to mine trying to control our breathing with him still inside me. We stay like that for a while until we both untangle to rinse off.

Jameson is out in the kitchen, making some breakfast as I get dressed for the day. Looking at myself in the mirror, I am trying to understand how my life took a left turn six months ago, or a year ago. Leaving Greg was the best decision I ever made, and honestly, I should have left him years earlier, or after the night that changed for us. Greg has been my only family since college. I think I was trying to make it work because I longed for that affection.

My parents were killed by a drunk driver when I was a sophomore in college. At that very moment, my whole world shifted and everything since then became gray. Greg and I were only dating a few months when it happened, and I grabbed a hold of him like he was my lifeline.

As I look at myself now in the mirror, I take a minute and wonder if I am doing the same thing with Jameson. He is right that the chemistry we feel for each other is off the charts. I felt it the moment I met him in his tattoo shop, and I could not shake it. The way he makes me feel is nothing I have ever felt with a man. He tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves my body. Greg, over the years, would start to put me down on how my body changed and that my curvy body was not that attractive anymore. But with Jameson, he cannot stop touching me or telling me how much he appreciates my curves. Last night––hell, this morning even––is a great example of how much Jameson loves my curves.

I just hope I am not making the same mistake again with Jameson. Standing in the mirror I take in my body for what it is. It’s changed within the last five years or so I would say. That tends to happen when you become pregnant…very pregnant. I close my eyes and gently rub my hand over my stomach and my mind instantly goes back to that day.

I am awakened by an overwhelming feeling that something is wrong. I sit up instantly in bed and rub my belly with the hope it will settle my uneasiness. But it is not helping, it is only making it worse. I look over and see that Greg finally came to bed sometime while I was asleep. I nudge him to wake him up as the feeling grows stronger and stronger.

Moaning in his sleep. I shove him shoulder harder. “Greg…Greg! Wake up! Something is wrong…I think it’s the baby.”

The cramping is getting stronger and more powerful around my lower abdomen. There is a shooting pain in my lower back. I want to throw up because the pain is so intense, and my body can tell something is wrong with the baby.

Opening his eyes, he rolls over to me. “Are you sure? It could be just heartburn, Aria.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath with my hands still on my baby bump. “No, Greg. I need to go to the hospital…Please.” I am begging him at this point, he should be in the car already driving me to the hospital. But Greg only does what he wants.

“Can it wait until the morning? I just got to bed, Aria. I am sure everything is fine.” He tries to roll over and go back to sleep.

Fuck him. I get up out of bed and that is when I feel it and see it. My stomach contracts and I feel a wetness running down my leg. I look down and see red. Blood. Lots of it.

I scream at Greg. “Greg! It’s the baby!”

He jumps out of bed, eyes latching on to the blood with him screaming at me for not being careful with his baby as he searches for his phone to call 911. I am sobbing and mentally telling my baby to hold on and that he or she still has three more months. Suddenly my body feels uneasy and lightheaded. I do not feel in control of my movements, and everything is blurry and double. My eyes roll in the back of my head, and I pass out on the floor. The yelling I hear seems so far away and muffled. All I could keep thinking is baby. Please let my baby be okay.

There is a loud beeping, and I groan at the noise as it is hurting my head. Opening my eyes, I see there are machines around me monitoring my vitals, and I have an IV in my arm. I look over and see Greg speaking to the doctor at the door. The doctor notices I am awake.

She walks over to my bed with a somber look on her face. “Mrs. Knight, I am so sorry. So, incredibly sorry. We did everything we could to save you and your baby…girl. But you lost too much blood by the time you reached the hospital.”

The tears are pooling in my eyes. “I-I lost the baby?” I ask with a hoarse voice.

The doctor takes a deep breath and reaches out for my hand. “In surgery we found that your placenta had ruptured. This was out of your control. I want you to know, you did nothing wrong.”

My face is soaked with tears. I will never get to hold her in my arms. Never get to hear her cries. Never get to give her endless kisses. All of it is gone. My body failed me.

I turn my head away from the doctor. “Please leave.”

The doctor bows her head and leaves the room. It is now just Greg and me.

He lets out a big sigh. “You killed our baby, Aria. You obviously aren’t meant to have any children since you’re so overweight––”

I cut him off. My voice is laced with hatred. “You think I did this? That I killed our baby, a baby that I was so in love with?”

He shakes his head and leaves the room.

I cry for the loss of my baby girl.

I cry for what appears to be the end of my marriage.

I cry as I wish my parents were here with me to help me.

I cry that I lost myself today.

I blink and notice that my face is wet. I dry my eyes and fix my makeup and tuck that memory away like I have with my parents’ accident. I hope that the baggage I have does not make Jameson run for the hills. I want to make this marriage work.

Sixteen

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