Dylan
Idrummed my fingers against the sturdy oak of my desk, trying to get myself to focus on work.But no matter what I did, my mind kept trailing back to the biggest distraction yet—Kathy.It was like clockwork and I didn’t know how to stop myself from thinking of her.
“Don’t be stupid,” I muttered to myself. “It’s not like we were actually dating.”
Somehow, it felt worse than what a real breakup would have been when she admitted she did not want to be in a pretend relationship with me anymore.
In all the years that my mother would beg me to see myself settle on someone I had never once asked a woman to be my fake date before. She was the only person in the world who could boast such a privilege. What really got to me was how she had been the one to call it off.It felt like a rejection. And that was definitely not something I was used to receiving.
After all, I was a winner in every other aspect of my life. It bothered me greatly that she didn’t want to be associated with me anymore, even if the entire premise of our association was based on lies.
“Stop thinking about her, damn it,” I told myself in a stern tone.
Judging by the way she was looming large on my mind, I had to consider the fact that I could have started falling in love with her.
But that couldn’t be true. I hesitated for a moment before I admitted the answer to myself. No matter how I tried to deny the idea I knew I had at least developed some form of crush on her.
“It’ll pass,” I told myself. “I don’t have time for a relationship right now.”
And that was what I kept repeating to myself as I walked out of my office. I looked over at Kathy’s desk but she seemingly refused to acknowledge the fact that I was walking past her.Even in the team meeting earlier, she had kept to herself and would not meet my gaze even for a moment.She was willingly distancing herself from me, and I realized I really didn’t like that.I was frustrated and the fact that she made me feel this way was unacceptable. I hated feeling vulnerable to emotions like this.
You want her, a small voice in the back of my head told me and wouldn’t let go.
“Ridiculous,” I muttered to myself. I was far too old to have silly crushes.
I tried to rack my brain for the last time I had felt like this for anyone. But it had been so long ago that I didn’t even remember properly.When I passed by her workstation, I tried to make it seem like I had something to do so I casually walked over to the water cooler to pour myself a small cup of water.
Just as I was about to walk back inside, I heard the voice of a very excited Kevin speaking to one of his co-workers.
“She finally agreed,” he said. “Guess who finally has a date with Kathy this Saturday.”
“Whoa, that’s huge,” replied another employee who worked with Kevin in the Accounts Department. “She’s a total hottie, isn’t she?”
“Yes, she is,” Kevin grinned. “And she’s about to me all mine.”
“You’re so lucky, man, so lucky,” the man conceded.
“Oh, trust me. I had to work for this. But in the end, evenshecouldn’t resist my charms. All the bozos she met on that stupid dating app just weren’t cutting it for her,” Kevin boasted.
“Watch out!” an urgent voice pulled me back into reality. “You’re spilling water everywhere.”
I looked down at my hand. I hadn’t even realized that I had completely crushed the small paper cup full of water in my fist, causing the water to spill all over.
“Huh,” I blurted, distractedly.
“Are you okay?” the employee asked. “I got some napkins here.”
My jaw was clenched and my hands were packed into tight fists. A wave of jealousy had overcome me and I did not even feel the need to wipe off the water dripping from my hand.
“I have some urgent matters to attend to,” I said to the employee. But I did not walk away immediately—not before interrupting Kevin’s little catch-up session with his co-workers.
“I don’t pay you to sit around and gossip about your personal matters,” I said in a stern tone.
All of them were immediately startled and dispersed back to their desks at once, mouthing sheepish apologies.When I went back into my office, I slammed the door shut loudly behind me and punched my knuckles onto my desk.
“There’s no way,” I spat out.
I couldn’t believe that Kathy had agreed to go out on a date with someone like Kevin. What did she even see in him?He was the complete opposite of me. The thought of Kathy going out on dates with another man other than myself was too much to handle.