Page 5 of Giovanna

Massimo’s goofy face appears as he bobs up and down on a pool noodle, roaring with laughter. He has the biggest smile of anyone I know, but he is excited to get braces next year to sort out his crooked teeth. I don’t think they’re bad, but he hates them. I’ll probably get braces too.

“Massi!” I squeal and get up from my perch on the side of the pool to launch myself at him. I land right on top of him and we begin play-fighting under the water. He is stronger than me now which is annoying. It’s like once he turned 12 he left me behind.

“Oi! You two! Cut it out!” We surface at the sound of Massimo’s big sister bellowing at us from the other side of the pool. She is a lot older than him; a proper grown-up. That’s why she looks after us sometimes. Her voice is deep and husky, but she usually doesn’t raise it. I think she is annoyed because we were making lots of noise and she has friends over.

“We were just playing, Gio!” Massimo calls out to her and she rolls her eyes in return. She has an arm around one of her friends and the other one lays next to her sunbathing. I can’t stop watching them; that’s why Massimo splashed me earlier. He was trying to get my attention and I was away with the fairies, as Massi’s dad would say.

Grabbing a pool noodle of my own, I float closer to the side of the pool Giovanna and her friends are lying next to. Curiosity burns in my chest and I have to see what they are doing and hear what they are saying.

Giovanna has a hand, the one that isn’t draped over the shoulders of the woman in the hot pink bikini, resting on the bum of a woman in a black bikini. As I get closer I can see that her thumb is softly rubbing small circles on the bare skin next to her bikini bottoms.

My heart starts beating really fast and I’m not sure why. My tummy sometimes feels funny when Gio talks to me, but this is even worse. What if I have a heart attack?

Massimo throws a tennis ball at me and I tear myself away from Giovanna and her friends to fetch it and throw it back. I dip under the cool surface hoping that it will calm me down, take the heat out of my cheeks, and slow my racing heart. It doesn’t.

Now I’m staring again. Discreetly. Well, I hope I’m not being obvious. Hot Pink Bikini has her hand on Gio’s stomach now.

Gio goes to the gym a lot; that’s how she is so muscly. Mum says it isn’t good for a woman to be that muscly, but I like it. I mean, it looks good on Gio. I don’t think I would want to be that muscly though.

My breath catches in my throat as I watch Gio take her hand off Black Bikini’s bum and reach over to grab Hot Pink Bikini’s chin. She pulls her towards her and kisses her hard. I can see their tongues sliding all over each other and it feels like someone punched me in the gut. I suddenly hate that woman in the hot pink bikini and I can’t explain why.

Massimo is focused on something in the far corner of the pool, oblivious to what I am witnessing.

I can’t look away for long even though watching them kiss makes me want to squirm. Like I swallowed a bucket of writhing eels.

It’s not just my tummy that feels strange. I squeeze my thighs together to try to stop the tingling between my legs. It isn’t a sensation I’m used to and I can’t decide if I like it or not.

The woman in the black bikini suddenly seems to realise what is happening behind her and sits up. I wonder if she is going to be angry that they are kissing, but she just crawls over, climbs on Gio’s lap, and takes a turn kissing her.

Hot tears well in my eyes and I feel so embarrassed. I don’t know why I’m crying. I want to throw up, but I also still have funny fluttering butterflies in my tummy and between my legs. I submerge myself again to wash away my stupid tears.

“Ewwww gross!” Massimo’s croaky voice calls out as I resurface and kick away from Giovanna and her friends. “Can you not make a porno when I have a friend over!” He shouts at his big sister.

Giovanna laughs. It is good to see her smile. She is the most serious person I know and I worry that she is sad sometimes.

“I think your friend is curious actually,” the woman in the hot pink bikini replies to him and then laughing at me adds, “Aren’t you?”

I scowl at her. She is embarrassing me in front of Gio and making me look like a baby and I hate it.

“Let’s go inside, Massi,” I mutter to him as I grab my towel and quickly wrap it around my bony body. With no boobs and bum, I may as well be a little boy. Most of my friends wear training bras now, but there is no point for me.

Turning to check Massimo is following me - he is - I see that the three women have continued kissing. I’m so confused about what watching them has done to me, but I do know that for some reason I am wondering what it would be like to be the one on Gio’s lap and that terrifies me.

Chapter Three

Francesca

My bedroom looks exactly the same. It is like a time capsule taking me back eight years to 16-year-old Francesca. Have my parents even been in here at all while I was away? Or did they just close the door and pretend it wasn’t there like they did with me? The portal to parenthood sealed off and left to gather dust.

The pale pink walls with gold motifs stencilled in the corners look brash now, but I was so proud of my handiwork when I begged my mum to let me decorate my room when I was about fifteen.

On my desk, eight-year-old magazines sit next to a high school history textbook. It truly is a bedroom frozen in time. Even my well-loved, worn-down teddy bear sits atop the pillows on my bed.

The long flight from London gave me time to simmer down, but I was still furious to find myself back in Australia with my callous parents. A week later and I’m just about climbing the walls, claustrophobic in their massive oppressive mansion. It feels even less like home than it did when I trudged through the front door with my suitcases.

The independence I had in London feels like a distant dream. The freedom of our little flat. Happy and settled for the first time.

After moving out of Nana and Pop’s house two years ago, Massimo and I found a flat and I worked at a local gym. I liked my job, loved our home, and felt free. If we wanted to go to Berlin for the weekend, we did. Paris for a long lunch? Why not! We could be spontaneous and compulsive.

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